Notes

         Carol bought doughnuts from Buskin’s this morning for breakfast as a Saturday treat. Front hose sprang a leak so off to Lowe’s, Walmart, or Anderson’s Ace Hardware for a fix as well as a new lawn sprinkler.

         You were just checking out your Observatory Clock app on the iPad and notice that the national local time in Mason, Ohio is 11:36 while true local solar time is 10:08 and you are thus quickly reminded of an example of the fiction driving your culture and the world for that matter. You are not a time purist as such, but people who are defiant and say they would never give up their individual rights for anything the government might do have already done so. A matter of perspective to be sure, but an important theoretical point that can be put to use in this coming scene. Presently you are waiting on Carol to finish the check books before heading out for new lawn equipment. More later, post. – Amorella.

        Going on twenty-two hundred hours and you are wondering on Thales’s mental health not unlike you have wondered upon your own from time to time. As you did not talk until you were into your third year family was concerned, as you developed an active and engaging imagination before five they were also concerned, as you enjoyed sitting in the clothes closet with the light out and the door closed for a half hour to an hour at a time, they were concerned. As you picked and counted imaginary pennies off the wall and put them in a jar they were also concerned, but when you took the empty jar uptown Westerville to buy something, they were really concerned. What do you remember of that incident, orndorff?

         Good question. I remember my father was upset about something but I didn’t understand what it was. I remember my Grandmother Orndorff was upset too, but I didn’t know why. Then around that same time my mother and I had a really quiet talk and she asked me how many pennies were in the jar and I told her the number I had counted. I remember smiling because she was interested and I was proud that I could remember the number. It was probably over a hundred pennies or I wouldn’t have been proud of myself. I liked counting. Then she asked me very quietly and concerned-like if I could see the pennies in the jar and I smiled and said no because they were not real, something to that effect. I remember I smiled because I thought she was joking. 

            Obviously there were no pennies in the jar because it was a small empty Mason jar I think or a glass fruit jar from the grocery, something like that. That’s about all I remember of it then there was never another word about it. I think I grew self-conscious about the incident and decided to put the jar and pennies away because something disturbed me about it from then on. I never understood but for a long time I thought I had done something wrong but I didn’t know what it was, but I connected it to the jar. I think I put the jar in the back corner of the closet. Wow. I haven’t thought about that incident so closely for over sixty years. 

           Funny, because when I was thinking and writing I could almost see mother bent down and talking to me. It was a very odd situation and circumstance and I was mostly perplexed about it. I remember thinking and thinking and I remembered taking the jar uptown. I can see me walking up from the corner of West Park and Knox Streets, and when I crossed the street at the corner I was thinking how it was fun taking my jar of pennies uptown with me. The jar had become a kind of pet, like a doll or stuffed animal, and I was taking it on an adventure with me because he was my friend. It was not at all complicated in my mind, the jar was full, I had fed him pennies just like the goldfish got food. I liked playing by myself, I was always coming up with some form of self-entertainment.

         Well, that’s what I remember, it just rolled out. I don’t trust it though even though it sounds about as well as I can remember the whole incident. Since the jar was a pet of sorts I am assuming his name was J. This is because B was the name of my favorite blanket when I was two or three. I liked naming things by letters of the alphabet. I can’t think of anything more, and some of this may be invention like I said, but it is the first thing that comes to mind.

         Yes. This is what came to mind. And, the truth is not what I was searching for. I wanted you to see the reasoning, which is still with you, old friend. This above is indeed a remembrance but some wiring in your head is still, as it were, crossed.

         I don’t agree at all. I know the pennies were not real and never thought they were, at least not that real, not real enough to spend. Besides when they went into the jar they were in jar’s stomach, inside, and couldn’t be seen. I mean when I put food in my stomach I couldn’t see it anymore. It is things like this that make me question myself. I have to have readers who glance at the writings once in a while to let me know if I am traveling to the point along the edge of sanity. I feel I have been there a time or two, but an objectivity or detachment within always brought me back from the edge or what I thought was the edge at the time.

         I suppose you are going to use some of this in this scene and I need to know where it is coming from in advance so I won’t be so uncomfortable. Still these have been a strange few paragraphs, I’ll tell you.

         Post, orndorff. Leave it as it is. All for tonight.- Amorella. 

         But I see some mistakes.

         Leave it anyway. 

         Being honest is one thing, but sometimes it is hard when authenticity means so much to me. - rho