04 October 2015

Notes - not think to consider / Sartre and self-deception

         Mid-morning. You both had breakfast reading the Sunday paper, but now you are sitting in the shade of the parking lot near the earth dam at Pine Hill Lakes Park waiting for Carol to complete her round of the lakes, usually twenty-seven to thirty minutes of walk time unless she takes some side paths along the way. Carol is excited to see the sun out this morning, by afternoon the sky returns to partly cloudy. – Amorella

         1015 hours. The breeze is cool and a few high, light clouds are rolling in – feels like Fall with the likeable mix – football weather. The windows are coming up but I’ll keep the sunroof open for the time being. I need to do my own exercises when we get back.

         You have cleaned your OS Yosemite 10.10.5 and are upgrading to free OS El Capitan upon returning home. – Amorella

         1033 hours. This MacAir 11, model 3.1is the best Apple laptop computer I have ever owned, and Carol’s iMac is the best desktop model. Both would be considered very old models in the earlier years, but we have been able to upgrade the software with no problems along the way. From the old Apple II days we have never seen better stability and speed in software, which of course should be expected. However, the stability of both the hardware and software has been beyond our expectations. Carol arrives.

         Home for necessity. Each of you have cold drinks and are now sitting in the far north lot over by the thick tree foliage along Muddy Creek and the meandering creek itself about forty yards ahead. Carol brought the Sunday paper since she finished her latest book. She does have two more to take its place. – Amorella

         1116 hours. The half moon is available for sight at about fifty degrees or so in the southwest sky. It is amazing to me to see and compare it with Pluto’s own rocky moon --  enough sight similarities to make me feel Pluto’s moon a rough copy of our own, and as such helps me gather a thought that our whole solar system is familiar enough to say that if I were anywhere within its structure I would say, ‘I am home,’ upon entering it. There would be no need to get all the way to our moon’s orbit to say those words were I an inner [Milky Way] galactic astronaut. That’s the truth.

         The old adage, “the home is where the heart is”, fits here, boy. Your sense of ‘personal’ location has changed over the years, accepting the fact that the Earth isn’t the only place home can exist. You don’t need to say, “I am the air,” in an attempt to think an old shaman’s thought. Home is nine planet orbits wide. – Amorella

         1130 hours. There are only eight planets now, Amorella

         Your heartanmind say there are nine because that is what you learned, that is what your spirit more easily accepts. – Amorella

         1132 hours. The spirit is not scientific minded of the facts?

         The human spirit accepts the stories more readily. When you are dead why would you take facts with you, what would be the point? You and Carol lived in Brazil for two years; what facts do you remember? – Amorella

         1136 hours. I remember that in 1970 to 1972 we lived in Santo Amoro, a community in southwest Sao Paul proper, in the state of Sao Paulo. We lived on the fourth floor walk up facing the street Adolfo Pinero. I remember endless details when I think about it. The only weakness in my memories is that while I do remember significant details to me (our short wave radio was gray) I cannot remember the dial face, only that knobs were used for station direction and sound level.

         Your memory example is through association of importance to you at the time. The facts, the specific details, are not that important to your self-existence today, thus they are not important. How would being conscious, being dead be any different? You would relate to your association of friends and family would you not? Who else? Meeting the extensions of family and getting acquainted even superficially would be a ‘monumental’ task would it not? Where would ‘the facts’ fit in those discussions, you tell me, boy? – Amorella

         1150 hours. You bring up things I would not think to consider otherwise. What you say sounds reasonable enough, even in a fiction. When people meet and greet it is observation through the five senses plus intuition that such subtle conversation takes place subconsciously as well as consciously. But in here the Dead are revealed to themselves first unconsciously. They see their ‘selves’ in an undisguised unconscious, isn’t that how we set this up? Of course, I may have set it up this way because basically (even if imagination) you show me selections of my unconsciousness at work. This is my way, my path to the act of being dead in the Merlyn books.

         The books and blog are no more fact than you are. Enough for now. Post. - Amorella


         2154 hours. I’m a little disappointed in myself. I’ve been slacking off on chapter ten.

         Really? Who would have noticed? – Amorella

         2155 hours. You are so sarcastic, Amorella, but it is honest sarcasm. Who would notice, and who would care – come to mind. Nobody much, ironically, not even me. I’m a little disappointed but not enough that I care too much to do anything about it.

         I see more humor in this than you do, boy. It is such a delight to me that you don’t really give a damn sometimes. – Amorella

         2202 hours. That certainly doesn’t sound angelic.

         How would you know, boy? – Amorella

         2203 hours. There are times when I would like to think you are a real Angel; just because it would be cool to have a real Angel sitting in your head all day. I mean in imagination of course. In reality, when I thought you were a real Angel, it was terrifying. What has come about is that I know better today. I know that if you were real I would still feel the uncomfortable sense of foreboding and doom. I’d be going to hell for sure. No question about it – partly because I don’t give a damn and because I just don’t care.

         You are thinking about deleting this already. Why is that? – Amorella

         2210 hours. Because I am lying to myself. I don’t know why I do this, but I do.

         I know this. I know more than you know. Self-deception; yours is not giving a damn and not caring. Remember what Sartre said about self-deception. Have a good sleep my young friend. Post. - Amorella

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