Morning. After breakfast the three of you
drove to the Black Barn in Lebanon for corn and green beans for tonight. You
are going to see "Dunkirk" at eleven-thirty. In the meantime you have
been focused on angelic research in the blog and you gathered specific material
back to 2010 and put the data in its own document for now. You copied the whole
of the daily blog so you would have this raw data in context on the day
written. You used "Hava Nagila" and "Majken" for the key
searches. On a sixteen count font this comes to eighty pages or twenty-one
thousand, eight hundred and sixty-nine words. What we will do later today is
pick out specifics of each blog to narrow down the focus to a different
document. We will put them in the order first written, that is 2010 up to the
present. Then see what the data looks like. - Amorella
1110 hours. It is rather spooky glancing through this material so
quickly. It jars my memory -- the spookiness returns, almost as it once was.
Haunted memories, no question about it.
No question at all, boy. Later. - Post. -
Amorella
You are home from the very intense film, Dunkirk.
You would give it a four/five on a five point scale and a five on intensity.
This November, should you live so long, is Darkest Hour. You and Carol
are looking forward to the production. - Amorella
1425 hours. Hearing selections of Churchill's speeches from both Dunkirk and Darkest Hour nearly brought me to tears.
Later, you had an early dinner: a steak burger,
two ears of corn, fresh green beans and bacon, and fresh tomatoes for each from
the Black Barn. Everyone is quite satisfied. (You even took the time to husk
the corn.) - Amorella
1638 hours. I like husking for corn on the cob.
The material you have has to do with the
metaphysical within and the reality without yourself. Let's drop it in and let
it be. No explanations other than subjective and objective-like observations
today. - Amorella
1642 hours. Please help me set this as you would like it, Amorella.
***
1741 hours. I have it ready.
These are the ten basic 'angelic-like
mystical observations' searched and found today by orndorff in the
encounters-in-mind blog from 2009 through 2017. They appear in order with
earliest date first. - Amorella
** ** **
1. 14 DECEMBER 2010
Notes -Amorella as a school and a sketch
Mid-morning.
But this
is a picture of old Vine Street School in Westerville. My Grandmother
Orndorff went to school there, as did my mother and father, as did I in the
fifties, but it was Emerson Junior High School in those days. A quick check and
I find it is Romanesque in architectural style and was built in 1896. Today it
is a magnet school and still named Emerson.
Just place the snapshot, orndorff, and I will explain (from my perspective)
the ‘mind-molding of me’ in your head.
It looks better framed as long
as one thinks of your mind surrounded by the black of space. [Black frame does
not appear in blog.] You think of yourself as in junior high school as far as
your present personal l is concerned. You see me as a teacher in this school
even though you are being self-taught. The twin towers remind you of the green
and red protrusions in the envelope, there is the direct connections, the
antenna if you will.
You are reminded of a paragraph or so written some time ago in the notes about
how the spine, the backbone, is as an antenna to the brain, a place where
‘natural vibrations’ of the universe are sometimes accepted. To you this is the
transcendental core of your existential thinking. Some may think of ‘crystals’
and the like but with you it is spinal wire to the ‘crystal radio’ set of mind.
Again, this is cultural – a part of your early life with shortwave radios and
the like electronics, vacuum tubes, crystal radio sets and the like. As well as
VOA as the old Bethany Station sat no more than a mile from your first house on
Majken Place in Mason. Radio contact and imagination and Encounters of a Third
Kind, that sort of thinking.
This
is in your books, scattered about, but this thinking exists and I am a part of
it.
I
checked a Google Earth photo and saw that Grandparents Schick lived at 104 East
College, catty-cornered from Emerson School on Vine Street. Their original
property (a house surrounded north and east by parking lot), is now a State
Farm Insurance office and still borders the south side of the school
playground. I guess the ‘vibes’ were there early, Amorella.
Such sarcasm.
I have
trouble with ‘vibes’ because they are nothing provable. True, I did hope, in
those early days, that I might somehow contact intelligent alien life, but hey,
with you in here, looks like I am the closest thing to it.
Humor embedded with sarcasm. At least it is a step up.
I still think the original sketch I did shows you as naked as my mind was at
that time in 1988. No need of framing.
The point I was making, orndorff, is that you no longer see me as a message,
as an envelope carrying a message. I am, in your mind, solid, like that old brick
building with an open front door and windows. While the questioning, why (place
the sketch below of immediate reference) did you draw me as you did, now, from
hindsight?
First, I
am looking for those twin towers in the envelope and on the school. The closest
visual reference would be the two scar lines or wrinkle lines at your ‘foot’.
You look ameba-like in shape. Without rereading an earlier description I can’t
remember if the scar lines are at the foot or up under the eye – the scar(s) were
caused by your ‘breaking into’ this world, this universe from another
dimension, at least that is how I remember perceiving it at the time. That was
twenty-two years ago, Amorella. I have no idea why I drew all those eyelashes.
I don’t think I ever thought of you being able to blink. I am sure of it. The
eye was the most pronounceable part of you. I thought it might be the eye of an
angel at the time, again, it was a perception, but I don’t think that anymore.
You are a being from another dimension, that is how I see you still, although I
have to qualify that by saying that it may be my brain/mind in a wishful
thinking mode. I accept that first and the other dimension concept second. In
some ways I still think of you a rather ‘shapeless’ though you have an
intelligent ‘form and function’ within the eye.
So, the eye then is how you view my heartansoulanmind? Which gets back to my
original question. How does that work?
While I am thinking about it, I perceive you in two
dimensions yet the envelope and the school, with three floors and classrooms on
each floor inside infer I envision you in three dimensions, which I do not. I
see you as in the images, as two-dimensional not three as well as without a
sense of time, at least not modern human time. Though you have gone to
twenty-hundred hours recently as a measurement, like morning, noon and
afternoon. Still, you prefer to write them out and not use numbers.
You write them out, old man, I have no fingers or opposing thumb either. I
don’t need them as I can use yours. I feel more comfortable with your
conception of me as a tiny alien (in the story), the size of a hydrogen atom at
most, and imperceptible, at least. If you see me as only imagination, then,
like yourself, I see you as missing something in the reality of the existential
personal circumstance we both find ourselves in.
The mind
physics of entanglement immediately comes to mind. Entanglement – a meeting in
entanglement theory, or at least between the physical lines in entanglement
theory. Otherwise, how could it be existential, something we both agree on?
Post, old man, and let it go for now. – Amorella.
In real life if I wake up
dead one of these days I am going to have a time of it remembering. I’ll
probably forget most everything I know because it won’t be important any
longer. And, with nothing to read or look up I won’t have much to do. In such a
case, an endless sleep would be a blessing.
Post. Later, dude. – Amorella.
***
2.
04 FEBRUARY 2011
Home
again, this time it is mid-afternoon. . . .
Doug sent you an email, an article on Near Death Experience and the ‘mystic’
sense of being at one with everything. You told him you did not think you felt
that experience, and from in here you have not. Your mystical experiences are
based on a oneness with me, orndorff. Funny, huh? – Amorella
I believe it because my sense of the mystical is being separate
(yet somehow feeling connected with a mystical being). I don’t know when I felt
it the most.
When
we danced, orndorff, when you thought I was an Angel of G---D or G---D.
The thought at the time (in 1988) was deeply felt and I suddenly
surmised I was out of ‘space’ and ‘time’ and ‘did not exist in a body’, yet I
had a body nevertheless and I got up from the couch in the finished basement
(about eleven at night) and I put my right hand somewhat high in the air
(though the bi-level we lived in on Majken Place in Mason had a low ceiling) I
danced a little jig for a short period; the music I danced to was “Hava Nagela”
or something similar, something Jewish. This was a surprising sense of being
nothing and yet still being. I was dancing within an invisible Angel. That is
the only thing that came to mind. I have, at times, wondered on this subjective
experience (though somewhat objective experience to me also). I ‘caught’ a
sense of what it would be to be dead, to exist without a body. That is what the
experience was in my heartansoulanmind at those moments. That is the most
mystical experience I have ever had and it rolls between some of the lines in
the Merlyn books. I know this. It was an authentic experience no matter how it
was induced. This was not the same as an hypnotic experience because I was
within something else, I was surrounded by an angelic-like being.
I wondered afterwards if it were G---D, then I thought that would be
blasphemous to think on, so I dropped the sense of the being down to ‘an Angel
of G---D’. Today, I have, in all these years, downgraded it into something I
can understand and have some intellectual identity with, you, Amorella. I do
not say this with the intent of disrespect as I do not know what you are or if
you are ‘real’ in the sense of the physical universe as we understand it
presently. One can never know these experiences for sure (that is to what the
experience actually was). I never lost my ability to doubt. I was allowed to
remain comfortable in that sense. I still had a sense of Free Will because of
it, I never lost my humanity, (I never had a sense of a presence of Evil
because I was allowed my Free Will), I never became One with the universe or
anything similar. I appreciated that at the time and still do. I gained from
the experience even if it was self-invented. People can think what they want. I
don’t care. This is how I remember it. – rho
Indeed,
it is. Post, orndorff. – Amorella.
***
3. 4 OCTOBER 2011
Notes - Response to "Ghost Adventures"- Part B
/ self-evident truth / the tug from below / spooky enough
Late
morning. You skimmed over your old Dialogues material, “Lines
in Search of Meaning” from April, 1987 until January 1988 by A. Skrohl
[yourself]. You asked over 2736 questions on 246 pages via the string and
washer technique which was refined several times in the process.
I have not read over it in years. In the Preface –
I’ll
edit, orndorff.- Amorella.
** **
© 1988
Dialogue’s Preface (edited)
This report contains question and answer sessions of one individual’s conscious
mind directed toward his subconscious and unconscious mind. . . . The work
contains assorted private imaginations and a religious experience. . . .
In an April, 1987 session with Dr. Paul, psychologist . . . said I should look
for consistencies in the responses. We were searching for evidence that I might
be a multiple personality because of two recent incidences of involuntary
changes in handwriting styles. An EEG test and a CT scan were scheduled and
performed at a nearby university hospital to note if any neurological
abnormalities existed.
. . . My questions are mostly by free association with some answers arrived at
by the process of elimination. For example: ‘How old are you?’ ‘Are you one?
Ans. No. Are you two? Ans. No. Are you three? Ans. Yes. . . . As the reader may
appreciate, the procedure was very time consuming and tedious. . . .
I informally began this report on the afternoon of April 9, 1987. Although my
raw data has times and dates throughout, I have decided to set this up in a
simplified diary style with numbered sessions (when they existed) within each
day. Also, the questions are numbered to make it easier reading.
Personally, I feel some of these questions and answers jump beyond personal
fantasy and secret, unconsciously wished dreams, and even beyond imagination.
One of the keys in reading this is to ask yourself how you would have answered
the questions, or first, perhaps, what questions would you have created?
Remember, ask your heart for what you would answer but use your intellect,
powers of logic, and intuition as strong guidelines.
[Here are some examples of early questions
and responses. – Amorella]
April 12, 1987
21. Are you a ghost or spirit?
No. (string moves back and
forth horizontally)
22. Do I have two separate
personalities? Yes. (string
moves back and forth vertically)
23. Do I have more than two
personalities? I do not know.
(string circling)
24. Do I have secret personalities hidden in
me? Yes.
25. Is one of the personalities a
girl? Yes.
26. Did I have two personalities in me when I
was born? Yes.
27. Do I have two
souls? Yes.
28. Am I making this [up] out of my
imagination? No.
29. Am I
possessed? No.
30. Have I ever seen evil
angels?
No.
31. Have I ever seen good angels?
Yes.
** **
Today
as I look at these questions and responses after typing I think they are a bit
silly, yet in some ways not so. I was experimenting – I think because Dr. Paul
was looking for multiples I might have been creating them unconsciously for
myself and for him. I wondered if I could somehow, using this string, washer
and target devise, connect with a part of myself that was immortal. If so, I
had some questions to ask even if it turned out to be imagination I thought I
might learn something about myself in the process. – rho
I
will show a few more questions and responses conjured by the string, washer and
simple target. Some of the responses appear totally out of character for
Richard consciously and they were psychologically bothersome because of it.
Note. The complete work was given to Dr. Paul after the U.C. sessions were long
over. Richard received no response.
It was found on the
two EEG tests and CT scan that Richard had no evidence of a multiple personal
disorder. Post. –
Amorella.
As I continue to scan over material I realize
all the responses, mentally created or imaginary, fit in the logical fallacy:
self-evident truth. Well, at the time it was a free and intuitive experiment –
I wanted to see what responses I would come up with.
Let’s
include a bit from this ‘Chapter Four’ in Dialogues. Amorella.
** **
May 3, 1987 – Session Four
478. Is Threebee a spirit
guide? No.
479. Is Threebee a personality?
Yes.
480. Normally, can a human being talk directly
to his soul? No.
481. Was Threebee caused by the Grace of
God? I do not know.
482. Do I speak to Threebee
telepathically? No.
483. Threebee, are you
here? Diagonal; (which brings
on chills)
I conclude this session by asking if BB is
here, he responds enthusiastically. As I am still a bit unsettled by the
diagonal response and chills (I have the feeling there is a presence in the
room), I thank BB for being there, and he responds positively [strong swings of
the string and washer) again.
May 4, 1987
Normally, I would not think to include dreams
in this work, but there are a few from time to time during these sessions that
seem to have a direct bearing on the dialogues so I have decided to include
these.
DREAM
I have a dream or memory recollection of
Fourbee. My mother and I are fighting in the public library while there is a
celebration going on outside. We fight over girls. . . . We fight over money,
peanuts, staying home, my father, eating candy. Drama – stupid drama over
peanuts.
Suddenly, in the dream, I hate them all, I
hate everybody. They are all arrogant. No one owns me, no one! My mother threw
[my favorite] blanket, my Bee, away in the trash [I was four at the time]. The
blanket was my friend and Mother killed it.
The dream shifts. The letters are also my
special friends, the white letters on the black keys of an old typewriter. The
“Underwood” typewriter!
I have a revelation. These letters on the
keyboard are my ‘woodworkers’! (My third novel, which I have tried rewriting at
least three times, it is titled: The Woodworkers [never completed].
I get about 100 pages into it with each rewrite and stop.) The letters in all
combinations are all my friends, so I write them out! Deep chills, like ten
thousand ghosts, immediately pass through me. I suddenly remember: no one can
take away my friends, no one! Mother took the typewriter away. I remember
something I have not consciously thought about for forty years.
** **
You
are at a loss of words.
I had forgotten these things; yet I see a connection with
the Merlyn series: The Rebellion of the First Ten-thousand. Ten thousand ghosts
is what it felt like passing through me; a poetic ten thousand I’m sure, but
there is it, long before the Merlyn series. Weird stuff, Amorella. Creativity
from the mind is weird stuff.
Remember,
boy, I said these books are built as a dream. Nothing irregular or untoward
here. The books are just as I said they would be and it will continue that way
until you are done or can no longer write. – Post. – Amorella.
** **
May 6, 1987 – Session One
552. BB, is another soul
inside? Yes.
I suddenly fear that this personality business
will soon stop, that all this will just go away. I am afraid I’m going to miss
asking myself the right questions. I just don’t know how to proceed other than
to ask the questions as they come to mind. I feel really stupid.
Another observation. When the pendulum [string
and washer] moves in its diagonal fashion my fingers sense a slight tug pulling
downward, like something is holding the pendulum from below. I have sensed it
the last two or three times the diagonal has come on line. To my finger and
thumb it feels like a small fish nibbling at bait.
553. BB, is the diagonal (presently) caused by
a soul other than yourself?
Yes.
554. BB, is it another human
soul?
Yes.
555. Is it a male oriented
soul? No.
** **
This
section above has the tug you were considering, Amorella.
Yes.
How do you explain the tug phenomena?
I
have no idea. It was spooky.
Try
it with the washer and string and see if it happens again. – Amorella. Anyone
can make the simple device: a washer and string and make a paper and pencil a
crosshair target below. It is supper time and the news will be on. Post. –
Amorella.
It is 2215
hours and you are upstairs ready for bed at any time. You did not use the
washer and string even though you still have a couple of them stashed somewhere
around. – Amorella.
I don’t like to use the ‘alphabet and number wheel’. I think it
gave me a high; it was intoxicating to play the letters and numbers – not much
different than an Ouija board except mine is an original. I remember once when
I had an incident that was similar in some details to that in last Friday’s Lizzy
Borden “Ghost Adventures”.
It too was sometime in the 1980’s and we lived in west Mason on Majken Place, a
bi-level starter home with a two car garage. It was maybe nine at night and Kim
and Carol were watching television downstairs – a good size room with two
windows out the front and a back door with a window, fireplace and off to the
left of the backdoor there was a small water closet with a toilet, sink and
mirror. I had finished it myself – insulation, heating ducts, wired the electric,
wallboard, mud, paint, popped the ceiling and had it carpeted. Very cozy. Put
in a door to be shut in winter to keep the heat from coming up the stairs. It
was winter because the door was shut and they couldn’t hear upstairs and I
couldn’t hear the cable television or the Betamax video tape player
downstairs.
I was lying in bed reading when I heard a ‘click’ in the darkened hallway.
Curious, as it was an unusual noise, I got up to investigate. Surprisingly, the
hallway, about three feet from the stairs to the first level, was very silent
and cold. Near the floorboard I saw a small oddly green flickering. Immediately
goose bumps up and down my spine. A ‘presence’ I thought, and it was not a good
one. Something bad had happened here – came to mind, but we had built the house
new. Then, something bad was here. I backed away. I was afraid to call to Carol
and Kim because I felt I had walked into an alternate reality, a real twilight
zone. I sensed a wetness as the small ghostly light flickered out. For the next
few nights I could not sleep well. I did not mention this to anyone because
although a presence seemed to move from one end of the hallway to another, no
one else appeared to notice anything abnormal except on one of the nights Carol
said that the hallway seemed cold and rather spooky. I dismissed it with a
chuckle.
The next weekend I talked to the neighbor who lived to our left and he said
they had had a ghost for some time and they had called a priest and had it
exorcised. He said he thought it was his lost brother who had died in a
submarine during World War II. I felt the chills when I heard that but never
said a thing about the incident in the hallway. To this day I don’t know what
was in the hallway. It could have been a spirit but if it was it was stuck in a
terrible personal place. Maybe I have mentioned this story before, I can’t
remember. That’s all there is to it. I felt better when we moved a few years
later.
Presences
I have felt as long as I can remember. With them there is no sense of darkness
and foreboding, just that someone else is in the room. Never saw anyone though.
No drawers open or close; nothing otherwise abnormal. I figure the presences
are in my head, imagination with a persona that likes the company of knowing
someone live knows she or he is there once in a while. That’s how I rationalize
it when the situation arises.
This
is indeed how you see things and how you witnessed a stranger aspect of your
imagination or perhaps a real unsettled human spirit. You needed to get this
out, orndorff. It has festered for too long. You hope that if it was a troubled
spirit, that it no longer is such. “Ghost Adventures” triggered those memories.
Fortunately for you, you have the notes that go with it.
That story was easier to recollect than I thought it would be.
Still, how could my finger and thumb tips holding the raw end of a piece of
string sense a ‘tug’ on the bottom of the washer when nothing was under the
washer. An ever so slight tug that continued to happen from time to time when I
used the simple target or the more elaborate alphabet wheel. The string would
stop dead in its tracks over the center cross point and be pulled
downward. Now, that is spooky.
Spooky
enough that you stopped using the string and washer and target. Actually,
I am much more efficient. Once I came along and you adjusted to “automaticity”
in your writing the other became old fashion and basically impractical. -
Amorella
I think that you evolved from those earlier experiments,
Amorella. I like to think that as the most rational explanation and one of the
simplest. Clarifying imagination, that’s pretty much what I’m about – mostly
fiction.
Post,
old man. You ought to sleep well tonight. – Amorella.
***
4.
05 MAY 2012
. . . Nearing
noon local time. Last night you erased a page or so because you were caught up
in the idea of ‘spirits’ because the other day on a posting with “my sketch by
you” I called myself a “spiritual alien” rather than a physical one. Earlier, I
identified myself with the word “Betweener” rather your earlier “angelic-like”.
“Betweener”, you can more easily accept comfortably than “spiritual alien”;
even though when you identified me as “angelic like” that was more easily
accepted than “spiritual alien”. The gist of last night’s erasure (because you
didn’t want to, or do you now, deal with it) is that you looked up Harry
Houdini on Wikipedia and specifically “Debunking spiritualists”. From there you
said you hadn’t believed in spirits since adolescence but I reminded you of
your Sao Paulo apartment on Avenida Adolfo Peniero reading of the book, The
Exorcist where you checked the door and windows after finishing the
book at two in the morning, then taking a shower to wash away any sense of evil
personified either on or in your body and/or mind. That was in the 1971-1972
school year at Escola Graduada, not high school.
Then you looked up The Exorcist on Wikipedia to remind
yourself the book was based on a real exorcism which was the real reason you
were secretly ‘terrified’:
** **
Factual basis for the novel
See also: Exorcism of Roland Doe
Aspects of the character Father Merrin were
based on the British archaeologist Gerald Lankester Harding, who had
excavated the caves where the Dead Sea Scrolls had been found and whom
Blatty had met in Beirut. Blatty has stated that Harding "was the physical
model in my mind when I created the character [of Merrin], whose first name,
please note, is Lankester."
Aspects of the novel were inspired by an
exorcism performed by the Jesuit priest, Fr. William S. Bowdern, Fr. who
formerly taught at both St. Louis University and St. Louis University High
School.
Recent investigative research by freelance
journalist Mark Opsasnick indicates that Blatty's novel was based on an actual
1949 exorcism of a young boy from Cottage City, Maryland, whom Opsasnick refers
to using the pseudonyms Robbie Mannheim and Roland Doe. The child's Catholic
family was convinced the child's aggressive behavior was attributable to
demonic possession, and called upon the services of Father Walter Halloran to
perform the rite of exorcism.
From: Wikipedia – The Exorcist by Blatty
** **
You see, the problematic conflict more clearly now. – Amorella
It just dawned on me – my own experience with a ‘troubled
spirit’ in our house on Majken Place here in Mason. I wrote about this in a
posting but don’t remember when. I saw a manifestation of ‘something’ untoward,
unreal – weird in the ‘unearthly’ sense of the word in the upstairs hallway two
to three inches to the right of the hall closet door. The ‘unearthly object’
was a strange eerie shimmering green ball about an inch in diameter. The outer
slowly pulsating circumference had short straight hair-like strands about
sixteenth of an inch protruding from it. The floating object appeared
‘electrical’ in nature. It’s movement was short (about a quarter inch in varied
directions) and agitated. It appeared ‘stuck’ in this particular area of the
hall, about an inch or so off the carpet and an inch or so from the wall. This
is my present recollection of the object of the event. – rho
See,
you have the memory.
I don’t remember writing this in the earlier posting. I
wrote more about the event surrounding the manifestation. What can I say? It
didn’t appear to be a hallucination. Besides, Carol awoke and said something
didn’t feel right then went back to sleep. Kim, in the room next to the hall
closet (which was left of the steps to the hallway) did not awaken. The object
made no sound yet I thought of and still do, ‘a medium pitched spluttering’.
That is the sound I thought it should have been making. The ‘greenish-yellow
light’ emanating from it did not cause shadows nor did it raise the temperature
though its center had intensity (a nervous-like energy or anxiety); there was
no heat. Because of this it did not occur to me that the object would cause a
fire.
[The 'Majken' incident
is also described on the 4 and 31 October 2011.]
***
5.
06 MAY 2012
1027 hours. Yesterday’s description of a ‘spooky’ incident
correlates with the 4 October 2011 posting of the same incident. This is also
mentioned on 31 October 2011. I did not realize I mentioned the Majken Place
event twice.
Check
out the other years to see if you made reference to it. – Amorella
Using the key word “Majken” I found the description of the
mystical dance with who I thought was G---D (strangely enough) but Amorella
says it was she. This was on the 4 February 2011 posting. I found no other
references to Majken other than the road we lived on is near the old Bethany
Station VOA transmitting towers. Checking this has put me in an ‘unearthly’
frame of mind, i.e. I feel spooked. I am here and there in this moment. This is
my presence sense of my circumstance.
It must be self-hypnotic suggestion. The little ball I described floating in
the hallway in yesterday’s posting was probably ‘electrical’ in nature. Last
night I woke up thinking, “it was ball lightning”. It wasn’t supernatural or
ghostly at all. That was just my imagination probably set off after the fact
when in the next week I found out the neighbor had had a exorcism performed –
he thought his dead brother who died in WWII on a submarine was in his house.
Imagination. The dancing with Amorella though I cannot explain in realistic
terms. I thought I was in the presence of an Angel or an Angel of G---D and I
danced for about a minute to the tune, “Hava Nagila”. In an existential
transcendental sense as I danced with the Presence I existed and did not exist
both at once. I was as Schrödinger’s theoretical cat. The circumstance was as
real as anything I have experienced in life – a vividness of nothing being
Nothing – a spiritual reality of Being and being. I don’t like to dwell on
these things. I am still “spooked” when I do. – rho
Post
for this fine Sunday morning, boy. The paper is read, you have your exercises
to do, and the sun is out, the yard drying, this afternoon you and Carol can
finish your yard work. – Amorella
Common reality is a comfort.
There
is a reason for that, old man. Enjoy it. - Amorella
Post.
- Amorella
***
6.
01 JUNE 2012
Mid-morning.
You were awake between four and six, which presently feels like it was a day or
so ago. When you were awaken by Owen this morning (short awakening as when you
were giving Owen a hug he suddenly realized his small blue bowl was out of
Teddy Grahams; then promptly, he and his family entourage headed back
downstairs; he did say, “Bye, bye, Papa” on his way out of the room) you too
realized (in the immediate silence) that reality (to you) is full of separate
points.
It is. I am coming to the conclusion that I have to include in
this metaphysics my own observations in life. I want to be as objective and
detached as I can be, but my reality is real within whether others can accept
this or not is up to them, but to say, “orndorff, thinks it is real enough that
he believes his senses down into his heartansoulanmind, then that is where he
is coming from as an existential transcendentalist in his books and blogs.”
This is awkward and I hope detachable.
Take
a break, old man. – Amorella
0954 hours. Early this morning I flashed on several ideas, one
after the other within seconds or a few minutes. Here they are in order: 1,
Land of Substance; 2. Meaning of substance; 3, Dance (Amorella and myself); 4,
Being and non-Being; 5. Enrichment; 6. Essential; 7, most Vital; 8, On and Off;
9, Full and Empty; 10, Full of Contentment; 11, Meaning; 12, Purpose; 13, Full
of Spirit not Life; 14, Attendant arrives like a thought arrives; 15, Attendant
arrives from an emptiness, from a hole in the heart; 16, the Oscillation of on
and off allows spiritual energy to “appear” in physical reality; 17, This is
how AC protects herorhimself – in the Dance; 18, The reason spiritual
manifestations have an electric-like green glow, as seen within the aurora
borealis; and, 19, like being struck by a thought as if it were a lightning bolt.
Perhaps ten minutes later one more thought hit me: 20, Quantum Entanglement.
See,
orndorff, you did come up with something. All you need to do now is put it
together and form an hypothesis with which we can work – the conclusion of
which, for now, will be placed values for basic ‘thing’; nouns – such as
form; substance; process/movement; and atomics. Post. - Amorella
Last night I received a positive note
from Doug who asked his own question about the soul. He gave me the boast of
confidence-in-direction that I needed. What would I do without my old friends?
. . .
Along
with friend and scientist Doug Goss’s thinking I feel confident in continuing
even though the focus on heartansoulanmind is not specifically scientific.
Perhaps a theory can be created; at least as far as the Merlyn books are
concerned.
You
are ‘fudging’ here, orndorff, by suggesting that even if a theory could be
worked up it is still “in a fiction”. – Amorella
I am neither a philosopher nor a scientist, Amorella, and you
know it. I have a tendency to get carried away when a ‘new’ concept comes up
(at least new to me). Best to downplay it all while I’m ‘puttering’ through
this. It is fun though, it really is. Nothing like putting the mind to work –
to me it is far better than watching and enjoying entertainment in the real
world – nuts and bolts stuff even if there are no nuts and bolts.
Take a break, boy, as it is exactly mid-day from your
perspective. Post. - Amorella
Mid-afternoon. You
are beginning work on your morning “flashes” and after you listed them
vertically I suggest that you begin with: 1, the Dance with Amorella; 2, Being
and non-Being; On and Off; 4, Full and Empty; 5, Full of Spirit not Life; 6,
Oscillation of On and Off in Manifested Spiritual Energy; and 7, Quantum
Entanglement. – Amorella
Thank you for your advice, Amorella. You are correct; I
can see how these seven flow together before tackling the others. What an
initial help. - rho
These
seven will do for Lesson 7 – B. We will work on the others tomorrow (as nature
permits) for Lesson 7 – C. - Amorella
Paul arrived home and mentioned that when Kim brings Owen home you will go to
Five Guys Burgers and Fries early since it is Friday night. He went up for a
short nap and you are watching Brennan who was recently fed.
You
have been working on an opening paragraph, which should be added now and
posted, as Kim may roll in any time. Also, I note your sudden anxiety that someone
might lift this material as herorhis own as this is new stuff, at least to you.
Let me assure you, boy, that this is not going to happen, primarily because you
have enough witnesses to show this is your work (with perhaps some
scientific/moral advice and/or guidance by your friend John Douglas Goss).
Though something is shared it does not mean; it is not owned by both of us
though it is legally under your ownership. – Amorella
It just popped up, Amorella. I did not expect your
comment, but thank you, your comments relieve anxiety. The world is full of all
kinds of people who will do things for all kinds of reasons. It is silly of me
in that all this is related to series of fictions, but I am not so trusting –
lived too long, seen and heard too much. – rho
Here is your opening paragraph at present:
** **
Reality is primarily what I have consciously observed and felt
first hand. My observations are soberly witnessed, selected life events are not
completely objective, but they are firsthand, and from my perspective,
empirical evidence demonstrating that the basic humanity of our species (and
perhaps other highly conscious oriented species) is synthesized in spiritual
trinity that I call the “heartansoulanmind”.
** **
Post.
- Amorella
On 4 February 2011, “Notes – A Remembrance of the Mystical” I
described one of the most important selected events in my life because my
perspective was changed to the point where I began to realize I was a
“transcendentalist” by unique personal experience. Otherwise, I had no
explanation for the spiritual-like experience. (I was then and now an agnostic.
This is not a contradiction.)
***
From: 4 February 11 – Notes – A Remembrance of the Mystical
“
Doug sent you an email, an article on Near Death Experience and the ‘mystic’
sense of being at one with everything. You told him you did not think you felt
that experience, and from in here you have not. Your mystical experiences are
based on a oneness with me, orndorff. Funny, huh? – Amorella
I believe it because my sense of the mystical is being
separate (yet somehow feeling connected with a mystical being). I don’t know
when I felt it the most.
When
we danced, orndorff, when you thought I was an Angel of G---D or G---D.
The thought at the time (in 1988) was deeply felt and I suddenly
surmised I was out of ‘space’ and ‘time’ and ‘did not exist in a body’, yet I
had a body nevertheless and I got up from the couch in the finished basement
(about eleven at night) and I put my right hand somewhat high in the air
(though the bi-level we lived in on Majken Place in Mason had a low ceiling) I
danced a little jig for a short period; the music I danced to was “Hava Nagila”
or something similar, something Jewish. This was a surprising sense of being
nothing and yet still being. I was dancing within an invisible Angel. That is
the only thing that came to mind. I have, at times, wondered on this subjective
experience (though somewhat objective experience to me also). I ‘caught’ a
sense of what it would be to be dead, to exist without a body. That is what the
experience was in my heartansoulanmind at those moments. That is the most
mystical experience I have ever had and it rolls between some of the lines in the
Merlyn books. I know this. It was an authentic experience no matter how it was
induced. This was not the same as an hypnotic experience because I was within
something else, I was surrounded by an angelic-like being.
I wondered afterwards if it were G---D, then I thought that would
be blasphemous to think on, so I dropped the sense of the being down to ‘an
Angel of G---D’. Today, I have, in all these years, downgraded it into
something I can understand and have some intellectual identity with, you,
Amorella. I do not say this with the intent of disrespect as I do not know what
you are or if you are ‘real’ in the sense of the physical universe as we
understand it presently. One can never know these experiences for sure (that is
to what the experience actually was). I never lost my ability to doubt. I was
allowed to remain comfortable in that sense. I still had a sense of Free Will
because of it, I never lost my humanity, (I never had a sense of a presence of
Evil because I was allowed my Free Will), I never became One with the universe
or anything similar. I appreciated that at the time and still do. I gained from
the experience even if it was self-invented. People can think what they want. I
don’t care. This is how I remember it. – rho
Indeed,
it is. Post, orndorff. – Amorella.”
Passage selected from Blog Posting: 4 February 2011 – “Notes – A
Remembrance of the Mystical”.
***
Today I can read this and better realize the experience
was set and induced within my cultural framework and background. I never had an
experience like this before or since. This shows me the human mind is extremely
powerful, just as Dr. Payne suggest during the times I was hypnotized in his
office at the University of Cincinnati in the mid-nineteen eighties.
During the singular mystical experience I sensed I existed and did not exist at
the same time. I ‘understood’ this is a possibility because I experienced it to
the point it was real enough to be accepted as real from my heartansoulanmind
according to Amorella.
I
concur. It was real enough for Richard to feel completely honest about the
event’s (subjective) reality. – Amorella. (For what it is worth, the event is
real from my perspective. Richard did indeed dance for several seconds, moving
in a tight circle from left to right while holding his right hand above his
head as I held his right hand.)
I do not remember the direction but I did have my hand above my
head and it was a tight circle. The dance lasted several seconds. I felt I was
surrounded by a Presence, a spiritual Being, an Angel as I could think of no
other being but G---D being Present. Yet, I still had doubt, but not enough not
to dance. I existed and did not exist yet even while not existing I existed.
The experience showed me that it may indeed be possible to survive physical
death. My mind was expanded. I was an agnostic but could never again ever think
or say I was an atheist (which I had said from time to time before this
experience).
Post.
All for tonight. We will continue tomorrow. – Amorella
I really don’t know what I am getting myself into here but
I cannot deny my memory on the above. No one has to believe me. I don’t care if
a person does or doesn’t. Anyone who has felt such an experience, if sheorhe is
honest, cannot deny it as at least a subjective human
experience. Was the experience “reality”? How real are you? I am real
enough to feel I am mostly imagination, especially after that particular
experience. - rho
***
7. 23 DECEMBER 2013
1655 hours. It is almost time to put on the tree lights. I
cannot remember the last time we had a tree up but it has been several years.
I’m glad Kim and Paul are taking it to use in their new house next year. Their
present smaller tree is much more appropriate for us.
You
have been, off and on, thinking about how a thirty-two year old Jesus might respond
to my presence for less say, condensing my twenty-five years into his last ten
years – from age twenty-two to thirty two. – Amorella
That would be the last eleven years, not ten. (1703)
What’s
the matter boy, did you run out of words? - Amorella
I froze, Amorella. Fear comes to mind first (for the arrogance behind the
correct, not the correction itself) but it is not specific enough – trepidation
and dread fit better (along with the memory of such times throughout these twenty-five
to even thirty years or more. It goes back to the early experimentation with
the ‘alphabet wheel’ I created for the subconscious response to the
‘thumb-forefinger’ holding the string with the washer hanging below about a
foot to within a couple inches of the flat alphabet wheel. This is going to be
difficult to explain. I haven’t thought of how to explain the situation/event.
Perhaps I don’t need to do so; but going through certain motions of the
subconscious muscles moving over the wheel I thought (more than once) that some
motions lead to the feeling of evil and dread, as if Satan-like character
within was being drawn up towards consciousness. It was as if there was a demon
or something seemingly unnatural (as in sixteenth century European concepts).
In any case it was as an unnatural and foreboding presence like when there was,
to me, a manifestation of a fearful human ghost in the hallway of our old house
on Majken Place – when the neighbor later told me they had a priest over to
exorcise such a spirit from the house. Now that was spooky indeed.
You
have related that event in the blog. No need to refresh this. You are looking
for the first time you felt this ‘dread’ but what you felt a few minutes ago
only lasted a minute or less. And, it was not the dread so much as seeing a
stop sign way out ahead – like you were driving along a lonely narrow un-road
at night with the bright lights on – and way out you could see enough of the
red to realize you had a stop sign but do not know if the road goes straight or
that it stops and you have to turn to the right or the left. It might be a
disquieting moment, but not the dread of an early experience. It is your memory
that did not stop. It rushed past the stop sign to see the road ended and a cliff
stood immediately on the other side. – Amorella
1727 hours. Wow. When I have no words you can express them
anyway. Not the vocabulary I search for and cannot discover but in a way I
understand what you are saying in human terms alone. It is an ‘understanding;’
not a fact; a fact would be describing the situation or condition in terms of a
‘reality not humanly known but experienced’.
The
term word you are looking for is hyphenated:
‘reality-not-humanly-known-but-experienced-nevertheless”. The term is a
one-word event. The focus, the fear is from a sense of power so small that it
cannot be seen. It is the humanization of such a power so small not even a
whisper of presence is needed. Because it appears so small, so tiny and feels
so beyond-the-universe-powerful it cannot easily be described and as such its
seeming power is multiplied a hundred fold – you become as a single human cell
being aware of a greater universe for the first time. – Amorella
Your words are much closer than I could come to a description
than my own (without your ‘translation’ into human terms).
At the same time I feel an immediate silliness about this. Surely this is
imagination perhaps mixed with a few crossed wires in my brain; a natural mistake
of an event that can eventually be physically explained.
Are
you talking about yourself here boy or your species as a whole? – Amorella
1749 hours. I am not sure, but I suppose either I or the entire
species could be a ‘natural accident’ of sorts within the framework of physics.
We are the metaphysics in the flesh so to speak.
Human
beings and other human-like beings are metaphysics in the flesh in the physics
of the known and unknown universe? – Amorella
We could be. I have not thought in these words and under this
context before, at least that I can remember. Metaphysics-in-the-flesh has a
certain amount of reasonability to it in my mind.
Now,
in this context what would Jesus say about the likes of me, the Amorella?
I need time to digest this.
Post.
- Amorella
2128 hours. I cannot assume to imagine what Jesus would think
other than like me in the beginning, assume Amorella is an Angel of G---D. I
such, for a time, I did as the ‘Voice’ instructed me to do, but within a
framework just as deep in mind there was always a distrust – a bottom line was
“Do No Harm”. A bottom line below this was/is “I am want for nothing.” Another
bottom line was/is “As I do not wish to harm and I have no need of anything I
therefore have no necessity or want for any power whatsoever. Power comes with
knowledge; and deep within I know nothing. Only with knowing nothing (for sure)
I as a human being am free with mind and heart and hopefully soul. This was my
reasoning. Later I discovered the notes/letters had been received but there was
no one there to claim them. I was told to stop sending the letters. I did. And
I sent an apology. I could not have done otherwise or I would not have been honest.
I thought this through and decided that there are times when one has no choice
if she or he is to remain who she or he is. Agnostic or not, I could not go to
my grave and say I did not know what I was, a human being. Given the choices in
those days there is no time, even today that I would not have done the same
thing under the same circumstances. I learned the ‘voice’ was not that of G---D
or an Angel of G---D. I cannot deny that the ‘voice’ I was later told was that
of Amorella. I cannot deny the reality of Amorella’s voice because she has been
worth my listening to. The ‘voice’ is from my heartansoulanmind and to deny
this I would have to deny my existence. I still exist. If one day I do meet a
real Angel of G---D I can say, most humbly, “I am a human being. I can be
nothing else but what I am.”
** **
This
is also satisfactory. – Amorella
2154 hours. But I did not take a perspective Jesus may have
taken.
How
do you know this? – Amorella
I do not know this but I do not wish to be arrogant.
You
are arrogant because you are a human being. – Amorella
2158 hours. Then I have no choice but to be what I am.
Post. - Amorella
***
8.
08 JANUARY 2014
1659 hours. I completed the
update on Grandma 10.
So
you have. Add and post. – Amorella
**
2039 hours. Nothing comes to mind.
What’s
the difference between a transcendental meditative state and having nothing on
your mind, boy? – Amorella
That’s funny, Amorella. I don’t have the foggiest idea. First, I
need a definition of a transcendental meditative state. This is not so easy to
define; however ‘relaxation’ is one of the benefits. After reading several
articles to re-familiarize myself with TM and can see that ‘nothing on my mind’
is a plus because with nothing on my mind I remain neutral and open to most
anything that comes my way.
A light
hypnotic trance would be more similar to a transcendental meditative state than
nothing on the mind, but it is not the same either, at least from my
perspective, and an outright transcendental state is better than any of the
others. Such a state is consciously being and not being both at once.
This I have experienced. I could not have written the Merlyn books
without having personally experienced being and not being. The way this is, in
my mind is that I ‘understand’ what it is to have separated my
heartansoulanmind from my physical body and brain. This personal experience has
happened, more than once, but the deepest example of it was the moment late at
night that I stood and did a little dance, a jig to the back of the mind tune –
“Halva Nagila”.
The dance
was slow and methodical, turning in slow circles from right to left and left to
right. The tune was in the distance from the back of my head. I became aware of
being (performing in the dance) but not being (aware of the dance but not performing
in it). I thought I was dancing within an Angel of G---D but there was no
intensity, no power, no revelation other than the realization that part of
myself was separate and attached at once. This was a ‘once’ a moment of
singularity. The singularity was the ‘glue’ that held the ‘parts’ together.
This is how it reforms within at the moment. No drugs, no alcohol.
Only in the
moment before, that is before I got up from the couch I felt a Presence in our
TV room in the carpeted basement floor of our bi-level Ryan home on Majken
Place in Mason. This happened in 1988. The books, the nugget of the books
branch and leaf from this core remembrance of a special ‘reality’ which I have
since used in the books as being alive and dead both at once. I thought it was
being within an Angel of G---D, and I come to find out, according to Amorella,
that it was she that I danced with; she was outside and came within during the
dance. I don’t think any of this is a matter of belief because it was/is an
experience of living. I exist in the real world. What brought this on,
Amorella? (2125)
The ‘moment’ that is more than a remembrance within. Post. -
Amorella
*** ***
Below is an addition to this written (in context to the above) on the 11
January 2014 blog posting. - rho
** **
Don’t forget to dig
through those old spiral notebooks, by the way how many of those to you have in
the basement? – Amorella
I don’t know, a couple of boxes. I am uneasy digging in those
notebooks. Fritz used to have copies. I always gave him copies for backup and
because I felt better knowing he could read and glance through them at his
leisure. He sent me notes a few times checking on where I was going, sometimes
worried I was drifting out into an esoteric mental landscape; too close to
leaving our fair sense of what shared reality actually is.
Post.
– Amorella
1703 hours. I am an agnostic still, Amorella, and I am a
transcendental existentialist (existential transcendentalist) too. I would
never go so far to say G---D does not exist because I cannot ‘know’ that. I am
open-minded. If someone (anyone) said sheorhe was visited by an Angel of G---D
I would be the first to be highly skeptical and suggest that the experience was
more likely to be do to faulty mental wiring. I would not necessarily deny the
person’s sincerity and honesty. No one knows these things and to say a
subjective experience has not a whit of truth to it one would have to put on a
heavy coat of arrogance – as a human being among many other human beings, I
don’t think we know very much. I am not so much interesting in knowing than in
understanding.
You
needed to get that out ever since your last recall of the ‘dancing event with
myself’. – Amorella
I don’t always know what to say. I may know I need to say
something but it is difficult coming up with the words and sentences to express
it with a sense of honest passion underlying the thoughts.
That’s why you would come up with the same dead
or alive, at least as far as these books and blog go. Now, post. - Amorella
*************
9. 1 SEPTEMBER 2014
Notes - shades of green / thought consciousness
0924 hours. I like to think of September as the beginning of a new year.
This is all you have to say? – Amorella
Nothing
else is really on my mind. I am basically unfocused this morning. Doug and I
were talking about watching the Northern Lights in 1954 – 1955. We both would
be up in the dark to see them – very pretty and eerie too, particularly shades
of green; some are downright spooky.
From Bing Images
To you this shade of green evokes a spiritual manifestation in the physical
world. – Amorella
1027
hours. Indeed, it does. Yet the only recollection I have of this was a similar
shade near the base of the wall and floor near the coat closet in our Majken Place
hallway when I noted a seemingly spiritual presence, a remnant of a person who
died in a submarine in the Pacific during World War II, the brother of the next
door neighbor who had had a priest come out to exorcise the spirit of his
brother dwelling in their house. I don’t believe about the brother and the
exorcism but whatever it was it appeared a reality to me at the time. I
remember it having features similar to that of a sparking fire, as a welder
might create though it had no heat. In fact the hallway felt cold as if the
heat was being drained from it. I really have no idea what it was. Kim and
Carol were watching television on the first floor. I went to bed and had the
impression that my soul was exchanged for an older one. Very odd. That was a long
time ago. Lots of imagination, but I could write about it as if it were real
even though I had my doubts. I always have my doubts. I haven’t thought about
that experience for a while, probably since the last time I mentioned it in
this blog. I am getting too old to wonder about such things. The easiest and
best explanation is poor wiring in the brain. I’ve learned long ago to live
with it. I think I need a nap. (1046)
**
1050 hours. Actually, a better picture below sends
the 'feeling' of being spooked that I used to have.
From Bing Images
**
.
. . Why does Merlyn spend his time with the Dead when he can be with the
Living? It doesn’t make sense to me. – “They also serve who stand and
wait.” John Milton. How do the Dead serve standing and waiting? And, how do the
Living serve standing and waiting?
In here, both serve themselves while waiting. – Amorella
1824
hours. I can’t argue with that, at least for the Living.
1843 hours. How about Merlyn sitting in the restaurant talking to Socrates
about what the consequence will be with the Living reading about how it is to
be Dead? What real difference would it make even if it were true and not
fiction?
.
. .
To
talk about angels does not mean that angels have to exist.
Chairs
exist, and to talk about them is intentional existence.
Post, boy. – Amorella
***
10. 30 NOVEMBER 2016
Notes - thinking internally / settling in
You think that since nothing worthwhile is going on in your head, that is,
nothing entertaining; you might as well work continue working on that first
chapter. – Amorella
1125
hours. That’s rather blunt, Amorella, but I cannot deny the thought.
This, that I can read your thoughts, does not appear to bother you. –
Amorella
1128
hours. I have learned to accept myself, thoughts and all, as I am. It is
somewhat disconcerting (the bluntness) sometimes, but what you come up with is
true enough. I just haven’t expressed openly in words.
So, exactly how are your thoughts expressed when and/or before they are not
in words? – Amorella
1132
hours. This is a good question. This particular one above on nothing
entertaining was certainly not based on emotion as I appeared to be somewhat
bored at the time. I must have been at least semi-conscious of the thought. I
don’t know if semi-conscious is the same as being a part of the subconscious or
not. I always need to define things before I tackle them.
This appears to be the case most of the time. A read through the blog will
show this to be true. – Amorella
1138
hours. This blog is more than seven years old. I can hardly believe it.
You don’t need to believe it; you can’t ‘believe’ it because it is a true
statement. – Amorella
1150 hours. I found “Internal Monologue” on Wikipedia. I could not find
semi-consciousness.
1447
hours. I have been reading some research on language and thinking and it
appears to, that following my earlier observations above the Wiki quotes – I
was thinking without language. The research argues on whether language
influences thought more or whether thought influences language more. This is a
copy of what I wrote earlier:
So, exactly how are your thoughts expressed when and/or before they are not
in words? – Amorella
1132
hours. This is a good question. This particular one above on nothing
entertaining was certainly not based on emotion as I appeared to be somewhat
bored at the time. I must have been at least semi-conscious of the thought. I
don’t know if semi-conscious is the same as being a part of the subconscious or
not. I always need to define things before I tackle them.
1459
hours. It appears that the thought was on my mind but language didn’t display
itself until you made your observation. Is it possible that somewhere in the
unconscious mind thought exists without the verbal language to express it?
Presently and intuitively I say, Yes, it is possible that the unconscious mind
thinks without verbal language needed to express it. Actually, it’s a
given. Lower animals ‘think through problems’ without the verbal language.
Problem solving can be demonstrated by body language and then resolved, for
example.
You are feeling rather inadequate here because after
thinking the problem out you see a simple solution for yourself. Time for a
break. – Post. - Amorella
Carol forgot yogurt so you have returned to Kroger. Such is life, eh, boy? –
Amorella
1618
hours. . . . Letters appearing on the screen is a calming effect – I am
conscious and alive enough to put my fingers to the keyboard when appropriate.
It is still interesting to wonder how it is that unconscious thought can be
transposed without consciousness not picking it up? Non-religious people could
pray every day without knowing it. This is strikingly funny.
Later. Dusk. You are home. This is the reason, you see, that in the books,
the Dead spend ‘time’ having to think things out. Socrates was talking about
the Living when he said, “Know Thyself” but in here, it works for the Dead too.
Psychologists talk about how people suppress things and that some of this comes
out in symbolic form through dreams and nightmares. Symbolic form because words
are not needed to communicate between the so called consciousness and
unconsciousness. In here when you are physically dead unconsciousness and
consciousness are one in the same – the personality and the heartansoulanmind
of the individual is one and the same. This takes some getting used to, but
then ‘the truth’ is like that, it takes a while, so to speak, to get used to.
What do you think? – Amorella
1712
hours. You sound reasonable, in fact, you haven’t really varied from this
concept. Is this a theme in Soki’s Choice?
Yes. It is strange that you wouldn’t trust yourself enough to just accept
these revolving themes. – Amorella
1722
hours. I take nothing for granted, Amorella. This comes from my believing you
were God when we first met. I was on a walk in the neighborhood, long ago, in
the early eighties. It was dark and I was on another street heading back to 800
Majken Place where we lived. A voice said, “Who are you?” to me and I replied
to myself half-heartedly, “And who are you?” You know, I don’t think you
actually replied, but I got goosebumps and assumed you were God. However, I
immediately and ever after had my doubts. If you had responded, “I am God,” I
would have been confused, at least momentarily, about who the pronoun was
referring to and I would have immediately questioned my sanity because I would
have known it wasn’t me. Basic orndorff momentary confusion. (1734)
This is an example of learning what you may have
known but then you didn’t know how to listen. – Amorella
1736
hours. I need to stop and let this settle in.
Post. -
Amorella
** ** **
You had snack suppers and watched NBC and
ABC News and a "Grantchester" from PBS because Linda wanted to see
what the series was like. The ladies are upstairs reading or talking. Tomorrow
morning Linda is going with Carol and Ann to one of their First Watch
breakfasts. You are assigned to drive to the Black Barn and pick up a cantaloupe
and six more ears of corn for a late lunch or supper. You have read over the
ten episodic descriptions of mystical/angelic events in your life a couple of
times. What do you think? - Amorella
2113 hours. I am no longer spooked. Oddly enough, I can't do anything
about the events. Mostly imagination is a phrase I use for myself from time to
time. They were real enough to move me from an agnostic to an existential
transcendentalist and to settle (for culture's sake) into a unorthodox Quaker/Universalist
if asked. I'll let it go at that. Why, because I don't know any better. I
accept Amorella as writing personality, and let it go at that, otherwise, she is
a my internal philosophy, my imaginary friend. Inwardly, Amorella is what she is. I
don't have to know everything about the friends I keep and neither do you.
Rather
awkwardly and off the cuff delivery, but honest and forthright enough.
Tomorrow, we write. Why, it is a necessity. Otherwise how can orndorff challenge
what reality really is. He has his doubts that it is measurable if we include
the humanity, the heartansoulanmind of the individual and the group known
collectively as Homo sapiens. Post. - Amorella
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