Notes - a plate of fruit

       Mid-afternoon. The day is cool, crisp and mostly sunny. You had a late lunch at Penn Station, ran an errand to the bank and are now a little to the southwest side of Rose Hill Cemetery facing south under the shade of a large oak. Carol is taking a walk. You are still feeling the effects of a bad back and a leg rash both of which are being treated. - Amorella

       1508 hours. The Honda is more uncomfortable than the Avalon these days. I'll be happy when we get moved and go to one car, the Avalon seats are much more comfortable. This car is still a good car though. Hopefully, we can sell it to some young kid as a first car. I would have loved such a car in good condition. Still looks good and runs well.

       You had a gray 1949 Ford with light rust on selected bottom body parts, bought it for a hundred dollars that included the tax and title. It had 130,000 miles on it as you remember, but it was a two door, a stick V-8 with a radio, sixteen inch tires. This was in 1959 when you turned sixteen. Your second car was a 1965 green VW Beetle, stick, sunroof, pop out back windows, leatherette gray upholstery, white wall tires in 1965.  Once you paid your grandfather, Clell Tullar Orndorff back, which you did, it was yours outright. That was in 1968 the year after you and Carol got married and two years after you had been teaching full time. Between 1962 and 1965 you used your grandfather's stick 1954 Ford. He allowed you to fix it up, customize it some, add a rear speaker and have it painted a metallic blue at Earl Scheib's (which went out of business in 2010). You even put fake white wall tires on it for a time. Mostly you two shared the car after he retired. - Amorella

       1530 hours. It was easy to share. I stayed at Grandma and 'Popo' Orndorff's at 103 West Walnut about three blocks from the main Otterbein campus and two blocks from 79 South Grove, Pi Kappa Phi (local) fraternity house better known as Country Club. It was a quick walk no matter what the weather. And, going Uptown Westerville wasn't any further. Besides, Uncle Ernie and Aunt Patsy lent me their 1962 Dodge convertible if I had a fancy date or dance, etc. I had a good life, looking back on it, but little or no money most of the time, besides my mental state was 'English major/history (philosophy-oriented) minor, poetry/music, beatnik, rebel' at the time so money made little difference, in fact it allowed me an authenticity I would not have otherwise had. (1541)

       Carol has returned and has begun reading Night School by Lee Child, she is up into page 28. - Amorella

       1546 hours. Sometimes, when writing or directing, the audience is supposed to be as a fly on the wall, that is, looking out at what is going on in the set or the room/theater. I feel like I'm as a fly on the wall most of the time in real life, at least I feel like that as a consciousness, separate from body and soul, so to speak, an entity that recognizes 'self' in the smallest of terms. In the definition of 'nothing' in yesterday's blog there was a similar description:

       "Some authors have pointed to similarities between the Buddhist conception of nothingness and the idea although this connection has not been explicitly made by the philosophers themselves. In some Eastern philosophies, the concept of "nothingness" is characterized by an egoless state of being in which one fully realizes one's own small part in the cosmos."

       The above statement is pretty much how I view my consciousness . . . a state of being . . . a basic state of 'I am'. This is as being an invisible 'pillar' rather than a wall in which reality exists and is sensed physically, objectively, subjectively and morally, that is, I am duty bound to myself to be personally responsible for myself in relationship to others of my kind and to other kinds/settings also, living or not. I am aware that Carol is presently taking a quick nap and that we are sitting in a 2005 Honda Accord on a sunny Fall afternoon in Rose Hill Cemetery listening to cars and trucks going by on nearby Mason-Montgomery Road and what sounds to be a Cessna flying west to east overhead. (1601)

       Others might argue that this shows you are hardly in a state of living, orndorff. - Amorella

       1604 hours. I would argue I am in the very same state these people are somewhere in themselves but they are being usually intentionally distracted by more dramatic aspects of life, or at least to them, more of the theatre life can collude (not with intentionally harmful purpose) on an individual or group. (1608)

       One's interactions with life that make life more dramatic. - Amorella

       1611 hours. Yes, by drawing one's self into aspects of a theatrical sense of being one is making a reality that is not fully real at least at the soul's level of consciousness. Soul is not the right word here, but I can think of no other at the moment . . . an inner consciousness rather than a fully sense of consciousness. When one creates a theatre of reality she or he can live in she or he is, by accident or choice, creating a reality to the observer that may or not be real. Thus the observer, when interacting with the other individual unintendedly may be baring a false witness because the seeming reality of that individual perhaps may be unintentional living partially in a self-created reality not of her or his fully conscious making.

       You have returned home. Carol said it was time to feed the cats, that the cats were expecting their food. You did not realize this was a fact, but Carol assumed it to be so. True to form, when you arrived this was indeed the case, Jadah and Spooky were waiting to be fed. Post. - Amorella

       1640 hours. Surprise. Carol just brought me a plate of  fruit -- a half banana with a dab of peanut butter, four half pieces of strawberries, six quarter inch pieces of apple and four blue berries. Very cool.