Notes

        You are reminded that both your mother and father-in-law were born near this date in 1918.

         Remembrances to both. I had thought about it a few days ago then forgot. But, I have, on occasion, forgot my own birthday so this is not unheard of. In this real world outside of my head there is not much the Dead can do without physics. It would be nice to be a spirit I suppose but I am attached to the keyboard, without fingers it wouldn’t do me much good. Carol just left for Westerville, I think I need a nap.

         Leaning towards dusk. Relaxing day watching three foreign art films for a change.

         Hardly ever, but today was good for it. No interruptions. I like foreign films, good character studies, slower paced. One Japanese, one Swedish and the other I don’t remember. Tonight I have a choice of two more freebees one American and the other Swedish. One is an all time favorite by Bergman. I’ll go with it as it has a medieval setting, plus chess is involved.

         Post. Enjoy. Tomorrow to Westerville for a reunion.  – Amorella.

         I just finished watching Berman’s The Seventh Seal on Turner On Demand. The early films were on Sundance On Demand. I don’t believe I have ever watched a full film on such stations, hardly knew they existed. A very quiet and relaxing day. What an excellent film. Such good questions that still set in my heart. I loved the line, “I am ready [to die] but my flesh is not,” or something to that effect. We are two parts at least, body and human spirit if nothing else.

         One of the questions in this existential film asked where G---D was in those times of plague, but you have never asked such a question of me, why is that, orndorff?

         I think it is none of my business, Amorella. I would not presume to ask questions.

         That is not a true statement.

         I used to joke, somewhat seriously in class that if I were allowed to ask G---D or an Angel one question I would ask on the authorship of Shakespeare’s works. So, that is the question that comes to mind. Otherwise, it is none of my business. G---D is G---D, if G---D exists. I can live with it as a statement, and if I am conscious as a spirit after death then I will continue to exist with the same statement in mind. That’s how I see it presently.

         That is a truer statement. Nothing else comes to mind to ask G---D on a theoretical basis?

         Yes, I do have one other, “Why did you put me here? I did not want to come here, yet here I am. I am of little use here.”

         Why the statements after the question.?

         I don’t know. They just came to mind – out of the blue, so to speak. I suppose there is some truth to them from somewhere within but somehow I intuitively must have felt I struggled against being born. Confusion perhaps as I was so tiny and was not expected to survive. Perhaps my tiny body remembers the struggle and wanted to give life up, perhaps my tiny mind wanted to give life up. I don’t know. I would not be surprised if the answer lay somewhere close to these comments.

         You are reading this over. I want you to leave it as it is for now. Post. Again, enjoy the day tomorrow. – Amorella. 

         I made a mistake in writing a pronoun for a noun. No, I made a mistake in writing a pronoun when I should have written a verb used as a noun. It was an honest mistake. 

         Nevertheless, it stays for authenticity even in error. - Amorella

          Grammar is a prickly business. There is a reality for you, self-deception in an error. Freud would smile over it.

           You would hang Freud on your self-exclamed 'gallows humor'?

           I hang myself, Amorella, with too much or too little thought. It makes no difference, the humor is there. The Knight in The Seventh Seal needed a better sense of humor, that's my point. I see my confusion. The pronoun you is understood from the previous question. I was confusing the you with you, Amorella, or rather, I thought I was, but that is not case. I did not think it through. Now I am returned to reason at least, rather than humor. 

            This is the reason you write out your thoughts, orndorff. Otherwise, you become too easily confused. You have good reason and the above is an example of it. Now post. Amorella.