Notes

         Late lunch at Panera after errands. You slept much of the morning with a throat cold which Carol also has developed. A squirrel has returned while you were on your Michigan holiday and a trap (at the same place near the corner of the northeast roof) has already been set but so far, no takers. Once home we can work on finishing up your email and then hit the scene you had not got to.

         I am curious about yesterday’s comment on knowing the depth of friendships and the like when dead. Is this coming up in the book? It appears impossible to me to ever deluding myself into thinking I have the ability to chose strengths of friendships or love of any other kind. Why would the Dead find this attribute useful? It would appear to make friendships a competition, such as, ‘who is your best friend?’ Is your oldest friend the best because of duration? What constitutes strength in a friendship? Is it your spouse? Your mother? Or favorite aunt or uncle? A sibling? “Best friends forever – BFF”? As for respect for the Dead, with all the Dead it would seem one would have to minimize the individual and think of the entire group. I am simple-minded when it comes to these things. Though, without too much thought, I have made such an existential decision in life. Oh, my . . . how could I have forgotten such an event?

         Yes. You see you once declared such a position when you realized you had no choice.

         Was that the real reason? If so, I feel I should apologize.

         For what? Your humanity? You have learned not to be so arrogant as that.

         It is true. I have. It was an impossible moral dilemma, Amorella.

         You gave up a lot, boy. No mistaking it.

         I had no choice. It was not right for me to do anything else.

         You see, you did have a choice, boy, and you made a decision you can live with and die with too, as far as that goes.

         Let’s set up a fictional scene that gives a flavor to your decision, one that old Ezekiel can be dead with too. My decision, boy, not yours. This is something you can still learn from. – Amorella.

         Presently, the words that come to mind are not worthy of repeating here in this context.

         That is precisely the point. Decisions that go beyond the vocabulary to express them are what these stories frame. – Amorella.

         I have more to think on with this subject. Humor is needed in the framework too. I cannot believe it is all that important in my life, yet it has become that as witnessed by these notes and recently focused (Merlyn) work for the years since 1988.

         The geography of my heart, soul, mind and consciousness was forever changed by internal events that could not be helped and cannot be rectified. Within, I have stood like Martin Luther, I could do nothing else, nor can I today. Such drama begs for humor.

         Such an added humorous framework to such a personally staged drama is easy to image, old man, and you have done so. The joke is that the words are not yet humanly created for its description and so much better for you the writer, to be in such a predicament.

         The humor is indeed well heeled and something my consciousness must march to in any case. Let’s see what comes of this next scene tomorrow. Such a small pebble of a thought that cannot be unthought. Such a scene for the echo of funnies. Ah, to bed with a smile. What could be better.  – rho.