Mid-morning. While having breakfast and reading the paper your eye caught an Ann Lander’s style column in which a man wonder that if writing an apology to his first wife for the trouble he had caused would be self-serving. Upon seeing this you suddenly envisioned the blog and the books as nothing but self-serving and it has you in a quandary.
Yes, it does.
You’re damned if you do (write) and damned if you don’t (write honestly). That’s my word on it, my man. And, as the memory of how this stroke of consciousness once began strikes your consciousness, you realize the blog and books are not self-serving, particularly where it counts most. – Amorella.
Where is it that counts most?
It’s that that you take with you, boy. ‘Who are you?’ was the hypothetical question that started this inward adventure. You are writing honestly because, hypothetically, you want to be able to answer the question if an angel or G---D were the one asking. This is hardly self-serving. You can’t even find a way to respond to the question honestly (because you don’t know) so you have resorted to fiction as the only way to express yourself in such a hypothetical or real, if you will, circumstance. I am here to hold you to it. – Amorella.
If someone were to say you are self-serving let them follow the same circumstance outlined above, and see how sheorhe would respond hypothetically. How would it be to met an Angel or G---D directly and have the question asked? What would you say in the face of such a Light? Something would have to give, and it wouldn’t be the Light, I assure you. Post. – Amorella
This does not seem a good place to post, Amorella.
Post you arrogant little boy. Amorella.
I spent some time in a self-imposed mental time out. I don’t know whether the anger is mine or Amorella’s, but I back away, when the anger hits me. I felt the anger but “not a good place to post,” popped into my mind and it was through my fingertips before I could do anything about it. I feel bad about it but nothing can be done after the fact. However this is in real life, in my private one, at times, Amorella acts angelic-like from my inner perspective. Then, almost immediately the doubts roll in like the tide and the tide rolls back out when I hit the conscious level of realizing I know next to nothing and I find myself surrounded by my own sense of arrogance and subsequent humility. This may be nothing but self-drama, but it is on this stage that I learn (at least through my imagination) what it may be like dealing with a real angelic-like creature. And, as a writer and reader I think on Milton’s Paradise Lost. For me Milton captured the intellectual sense of an angel, particularly Satan. How it would be to be an angel (Milton’s angels) is not how I see it except the standing and waiting (to be of service). What is Milton’s poem? It was used propaganda wise by the English in World War II.
I found it, “On His Blindness” is Milton’s sonnet.
“On His Blindness”
When I consider how my light is spent
Ere half my days in this dark world and wide,
And that one Talent which is death to hide
Lodged with me useless, though my soul more bent
To serve therewith my Maker, and present
My true account, lest He returning chide,
"Doth God exact day-labour, light denied?"
I fondly ask. But Patience, to prevent
That murmur, soon replies, "God doth not need
Either man's work or his own gifts. Who best
Bear his mild yoke, they serve him best. His state
Is kingly: thousands at his bidding speed,
And post o'er land and ocean without rest;
They also serve who only stand and wait."
** **
“They also serve who only stand and wait,” is the line on those old propaganda posters to serve those who only can wait while others perform the actions needed to end the war successfully. I think this might also apply to the many Dead in the story who are not directly involved in the rebellion. That is what I need to remember/recollect from time to time. In my mind it is gleaning time, standing back and thinking inwardly how I can put these (perhaps) imaginary experiences to work. They are, at the time, real enough even though imagination.
About a half hour from dusk. Tacos again tonight with left over from Monday, Papa John’s pizza for the earlier lunch. Tonight you have upgraded your genealogy software from Reunion 8 to Reunion 9 and it works fine.
I have not really worked on it since 2005. I told Kim that I would create a new one for Owen. I asked Paul’s sister, Cathy, to get the information from her parents but she is busy and pregnant. Kim is busy and pregnant again also. Her cousin, Sharon, is also busy and pregnant. Sharon’s first was born two weeks after Owen and this time it looks like their (Sharon and Cory’s) child-to-be will be born three weeks after Kim and Paul’s second. The way of the world, always working on the next generation. Looks like it will be a busy spring.
You could rework yours too, so it will go back a hundred generations on the software.
Much of that early information is conjecture, Amorella. I don’t know the software will go back that far.
Take the longest string back as far as you can, it helps reinforce who you are, boy.
Even if it’s fiction?
You say you are mostly fiction anyway, so it will fit right in. You need to be reminded of ancestors from time to time. You have a new program, and it’s a good time to begin a new line from scratch, beginning with Owen. That will include Carol’s family, of course, back through the Cooks and the Hammonds and the Emmerson’s. It will be a diversion from the blog and books during the day. No guilt, boy. No need. We can work on scene two tomorrow. I’m not going anywhere. Post. – Amorella.
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