Today you spent most of the time resting because of your lower back pain and a sprain in your right wrist. You did do your modified aerobics, forty minutes worth, but only half that time using your weights.
I have the wrist wrapped which helps. Not very productive day but the resting and naps help me feel better. The arthritic pain is almost always worse in the morning but today it lasted until mid-afternoon. I have been reflecting on Heloise and Abelard. Continuing on page 95 we see Heloise’s views of those first physical moments from her second letter to Abelard:
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“Everything we did, all those times and those places are stamped on my heart along with your image, so that I live through it again and again with you.” (Heloise, Second Letter)
“. . . The lovers’ pleasures that we enjoyed together were so sweet to me that they can never displease me . . . I ought to deplore what we did but I sigh only for what we have lost.” (Heloise, Second Letter)
We have, in the new letters, the great fortune to have been given unique coverage of the golden age of Abelard and Heloise from the inside. Abelard, writing after the event, of course, tells us in one of his less insensitive asides that the potential for written correspondence was part of the appeal of a relationship with Heloise:
“Knowing the girl’s knowledge and love of letters I thought she would be all the more ready to consent, and that even when we were separated we could enjoy each other’s presence by exchange of written messages in which we could speak more openly than in person, and so need never lack the pleasures of conversation.” (Abelard, Autobiography)
From: Burge, James. Heloise & Abelard (A New Biography), San Francisco: Harpers, 2003. p. 95.
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The above sets a satisfying tone of their early letters with Heloise appearing more innocent in life experiences than Abelard though both were innocent in love. I think Vivien will not be so innocent, she will have consciously plotted Merlyn to seduce her (as Heloise may have, consciously or unconsciously, as well). I have to have a roadmap of their full relationship before can evoke the private memories of both Merlyn and Vivien.
Why do you need the full control here, orndorff? – Amorella
I am not sure other than comfort in the situation. I don’t want any surprises to pop up in their relationship.
Why?
I don’t want to be reminded of what the intensities of a power passionate relationship are like. I don’t want to be that close. I don’t want to remember such intensities in my own earlier life. Too much memory of angst, imagination, reality and passion – a volatile mix in the encircling heartansoul (earth-an-moon) with the mind hanging out there sun-like.
That was not your reality while “in love” orndorff. – Amorella
I don’t think I want to know your response here, Amorella. Young love is what most go through. I was plenty immature. I was idealistic (privately) most of the time, but in reality I was not at my best.
The above is an example of your imagination. Your mind wasn’t sun-like, orndorff, that was your heart as far as your analogy goes. The earth-an-moon were your mindansoul. Listen to your memories of youthful love with the change in the analogy and you will better see your youthful angst. – Amorella
Oh, my – what a thought. Even in self-imagination, what a thought.
You think you are making me up. You think I am not right. This is the way it is, orndorff. Do you think you are/were alone in your youthful angst? Most young people don’t know who they are. Even older people don’t know who they are. This is the human condition, boy. Love is not usually what it seems. - Amorella
Sounds like some fog-like dark humor creeping in.
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