04 March 2014

Notes - GMG reread / proofreading stance / tombstone level

         Mid-morning. You had breakfast and read the Cincinnati Enquirer as usual and contrary to what you thought you are enjoying the expanded paper that now includes two sections of USA Today. – Amorella

         0851 hours. I didn’t think I would like the addition because I couldn’t envision how it was going to look. I like it partly because it adds bulk to a newspaper about the size of a local paper, and sometimes it wasn’t even that large. I didn’t think I was going to like it when about a year ago the paper was cut down to the size of a tabloid and included more pictures, I suppose to entice people who don’t like or don’t have time to read. The paper is much easier to manipulate than the old broadsheets that have been around since the eighteenth century if my memory serves me correctly. I erred in judgment. I am still tired and need a nap.

         Mid-afternoon. You and Carol both took a nap then had sandwiches for lunch. Afterwards, you drove down to Good Samaritan Hospital across from U.C. campus and to the north of Hebrew Union College. The trip took forty minutes from the house and is about twenty-five miles. When you go down for the surgery on Monday Carol will wait and drive you home. Carol is reading a new book, The Eye of God by James Rollins and is on page 37 while you are sitting at the west side of Rose Hill Cemetery facing east under that shade of the large fur (thirty feet high) you thought might tumble down in the wind a couple of weeks ago. - Amorella

         1552 hours. The sun is bright and the snow slowly melting. Patches of grass are visible already, a good sign this snow will be gone in a couple of days. Spring will be heaven sent.

         I know it is a figure of speech orndorff. – Amorella

         1557 hours. I don’t know why these things come up in my head. It is not easy to always be making adjustment for a ‘foreign-like’ personality to be in my head with me all the time.

         Mostly when you are writing boy. – Amorella

         I’m going to work on that final pre-copy.

         2110 hours. I finished all the proofreading I can do online. I thought I could do more but my mind won’t function. A screen is not a piece of paper. I don’t think I could ever grade a paper from a screen. I like the feel of the paper. I like to turn the page. The words are more tangible.

         Make changes with a red ink first; then blue ink if need be. Read like you would read the book. You will catch more errors this way. One segment at a time, not by the chapter. Once you have gone over the final in this way, pull the pages so that you can read twenty-one chapters one segment at a time. – Amorella

         2118 hours. This is a good idea. How about if I read the segments separately first for a change of pace; then read the final as a whole?

         Either way as long as you do both. We are looking of continuity in the stories separate chapter segments. The readability is already there. Think ‘short stories’ with setting, characters, plot and conclusion. Later, when we go over the book as a whole we will look for transitions from chapter to chapter. Now, before bed, read over the statistics again. This should reinforce a sense of continuity in style with length of sentences for example. When in doubt simplify or delete if the work does not flow to your satisfaction. Look for a rhythm and or cadence within the word flow and eye movement while reading. – Amorella

         2128 hours. You want this to read like free verse, for example (from dictionary dot com):

** **
Free Verse
While it is easy to think that poems have to rhyme, free verse is a type of poetry that does not require any rhyme scheme or meter. Poems written in free verse, however, do tend to employ other types of creative language such as alliteration, words that begin with the same sound, or assonance, the repetition of vowel sounds.
Some people find free verse to be a less restrictive type of poetry to write since it doesn't have to employ the form or the rhyming schemes of other types of poetry.
The free verse form of poetry became popular in the 1800s, and continues to be popular among poets even to this day. TS Eliot was one of the masters of the form, as best seen in his poems The Waste Land and The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock.
** **
The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock

By T. S. Eliot


S’io credesse che mia risposta fosse 
A persona che mai tornasse al mondo, 
Questa fiamma staria senza piu scosse. 
Ma percioche giammai di questo fondo 
Non torno vivo alcun, s’i’odo il vero, 
Senza tema d’infamia ti rispondo.
Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”

Let us go and make our visit.
In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

The yellow fog that rubs its back upon the window-panes,
The yellow smoke that rubs its muzzle on the window-panes,
Licked its tongue into the corners of the evening,
Lingered upon the pools that stand in drains,
Let fall upon its back the soot that falls from chimneys,
Slipped by the terrace, made a sudden leap,
And seeing that it was a soft October night,
Curled once about the house, and fell asleep.

And indeed there will be time
For the yellow smoke that slides along the street,
Rubbing its back upon the window-panes;
There will be time, there will be time
To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet;
There will be time to murder and create,
And time for all the works and days of hands
That lift and drop a question on your plate;
Time for you and time for me,
And time yet for a hundred indecisions,
And for a hundred visions and revisions,
Before the taking of a toast and tea.

In the room the women come and go
Talking of Michelangelo.

And indeed there will be time
To wonder, “Do I dare?” and, “Do I dare?”
Time to turn back and descend the stair,
With a bald spot in the middle of my hair —
(They will say: “How his hair is growing thin!”)
My morning coat, my collar mounting firmly to the chin,
My necktie rich and modest, but asserted by a simple pin —
(They will say: “But how his arms and legs are thin!”)
Do I dare
Disturb the universe?
In a minute there is time
For decisions and revisions which a minute will reverse.

For I have known them all already, known them all:
Have known the evenings, mornings, afternoons,
I have measured out my life with coffee spoons;
I know the voices dying with a dying fall
Beneath the music from a farther room.
               So how should I presume?

And I have known the eyes already, known them all—
The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase,
And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin,
When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall,
Then how should I begin
To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways?
               And how should I presume?

And I have known the arms already, known them all—
Arms that are braceleted and white and bare
(But in the lamplight, downed with light brown hair!)
Is it perfume from a dress
That makes me so digress?
Arms that lie along a table, or wrap about a shawl.
               And should I then presume?
               And how should I begin?

Shall I say, I have gone at dusk through narrow streets
And watched the smoke that rises from the pipes
Of lonely men in shirt-sleeves, leaning out of windows? ...

I should have been a pair of ragged claws
Scuttling across the floors of silent seas.

And the afternoon, the evening, sleeps so peacefully!
Smoothed by long fingers,
Asleep ... tired ... or it malingers,
Stretched on the floor, here beside you and me.
Should I, after tea and cakes and ices,
Have the strength to force the moment to its crisis?
But though I have wept and fasted, wept and prayed,
Though I have seen my head (grown slightly bald) brought in upon a platter,
I am no prophet — and here’s no great matter;
I have seen the moment of my greatness flicker,
And I have seen the eternal Footman hold my coat, and snicker,
And in short, I was afraid.

And would it have been worth it, after all,
After the cups, the marmalade, the tea,
Among the porcelain, among some talk of you and me,
Would it have been worth while,
To have bitten off the matter with a smile,
To have squeezed the universe into a ball
To roll it towards some overwhelming question,
To say: “I am Lazarus, come from the dead,
Come back to tell you all, I shall tell you all”—
If one, settling a pillow by her head
               Should say: “That is not what I meant at all;
               That is not it, at all.”

And would it have been worth it, after all,
Would it have been worth while,
After the sunsets and the dooryards and the sprinkled streets,
After the novels, after the teacups, after the skirts that trail along the floor—
And this, and so much more?—
It is impossible to say just what I mean!
But as if a magic lantern threw the nerves in patterns on a screen:
Would it have been worth while
If one, settling a pillow or throwing off a shawl,
And turning toward the window, should say:
               “That is not it at all,
               That is not what I meant, at all.”

No! I am not Prince Hamlet, nor was meant to be;
Am an attendant lord, one that will do
To swell a progress, start a scene or two,
Advise the prince; no doubt, an easy tool,
Deferential, glad to be of use,
Politic, cautious, and meticulous;
Full of high sentence, but a bit obtuse;
At times, indeed, almost ridiculous—
Almost, at times, the Fool.

I grow old ... I grow old ...
I shall wear the bottoms of my trousers rolled.

Shall I part my hair behind?   Do I dare to eat a peach?
I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach.
I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each.

I do not think that they will sing to me.

I have seen them riding seaward on the waves
Combing the white hair of the waves blown back
When the wind blows the water white and black.
We have lingered in the chambers of the sea
By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown
Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

** **

         2141 hours.  I have to include the whole poem as an example. It has long been one of my favorites. I don’t know that it is possible to copy this free verse throughout.

         Just use it as an unconscious standard. If the work is alive to you it will be open to be alive to the reader. You have nothing to lose but your chains, dear boy. – Amorella

         2147 hours. Don’t hype this for me Amorella. I want this to remain at tombstone level throughout. Death is something people understand. This is a ghost story. We keep the humor in the graveyard.

         Kick a leg on solid ground, orndorff. Post. – Amorella

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