Notes - spoken / a little rain of doubt / lightning and thunder

         Mid-morning. You had breakfast and read the paper but are feeling out of sorts due to arthritic conditions. The sun is blasting down and you are ready to take a nap. Carol has eaten breakfast and finishing the paper. – Amorella

         0855 hours. Such is the morning. The debate is on whether to take a pain pill or not. My lower back and thumbs ache the most. It is really difficult to bend and then straighten my left thumb. Paul suggested there is an operation to correct the thumbs; I assume it is similar to the carpel tunnel operations I had on my wrists. I am not ready to go that route. I would like to complete chapter three today but I cannot image this happening at least at present. Time for a nap.

         Later, you got your hair cut a couple weeks early, had left over pizza for lunch while you watched Sunday’s episode of “The Last Ship” which for you went slow and so noted that any readers you may acquire will think GMG.One is slow going also. – Amorella

         1418 hours. There is no plot other than Merlyn telling it like it is. No real violence. No tension. A dead man dreams and what can come of it? What can the reader ‘see’ from it?

         You see yourself so perhaps others can see themselves too. – Amorella

         1422 hours. They are my dreams Amorella. I am not a mirror here. This work is a mirror into myself no question about it, a quaint and oddly constructed autobiography. It is my mind’s keel and it steadies my sanity.

         Some would like such a keel for themselves. – Amorella

         1426 hours. They will have to create their own. I am no lighthouse.

         Spoken like the true and honest orndorff. – Later, dude. Post. - Amorella

         You have five hundred and fifty-eight words and it is not going as you supposed it would. – Amorella

         1631 hours. No, it is not. I feel like Merlyn is playing Hamlet in his debate, “to be carried [in the Basket] by something more settled in the magic of the human spirit.”

         What is more settled in the magic of the human spirit orndorff? – Amorella

         1635 hours. I am assuming here that the magic of the human spirit is passion. As such then I would say reason is the greater magic. However, I don’t think Merlyn means this – perhaps greater reason or greater passion or, even as I inadvertently suggested yesterday, greater imagination. The problem with any of these “greater’s” though is that a greater human potential can not exist and be remain human. We are what we are. Well, I am what I am (to bring this down to reasonableness). Imagination through reason is still imagination. 

         What am I, the Amorella, boy?

         1645 hours. You have been with me decades. I do not know what you are – unless I was to say, “You are extended imagination”.

         I need not be anything more. Do you understand me boy? – Amorella

         1647 hours. You may not need to be anything more, but Amorella, I need you to be something more.

         I will not ask you why this is the case. It is nobody’s business. The point is that you recognized this as a pointed fact immediately. – Amorella

         1656 hours. This is raw nakedness, Amorella. I am completely vulnerable here.

         Dusk. You finished mowing the front; Carol is doing the side and southwestern square tomorrow morning. – Amorella

         1954 hours. I have been thinking. I don’t need you to be something more than imagination, but I like to think that you are even though I have my doubts. I can accept you are my imagination. I don’t need anything. I want nothing. I was having scattered showers in my ‘atmosphere’ from Merlyn’s recent words. Actually, I feel better after cooling off from mowing. Perhaps I’ll have some supper when Carol comes in from watering another bed of flowers.

         Post. Later, dude. - Amorella

         You have seven hundred and ten words and we will finish this chapter tomorrow. As you stopped Carol called you in to dance to the music on the DVRed PBS special: “Burt Bacharach’s Best: My Music”. Your dancing was not its best but it made Carol laugh so you consider it a success. – Amorella

         2158 hours. Dancing is physical work. She brought up the fact that Kay Griffith and I won a dancing award in the seventh or eighth grade. She did not dance we me at Kim’s wedding but she did in our own, and we went to a few formal dances in her days at Otterbein. I did dance with Kim at her wedding, no doubt the last time I attempted such an activity.

         You danced to the tune of Hava Nagila with me once around midnight in the winter of your year 1987 or 1988. – Amorella

         2210 hours. Carol and Kim were asleep upstairs, I was in the TV room in the first level of our 1975 bi-level Ryan home on Majken Place here in Mason. I was entranced. I thought you might be an Angel of G---D. It is the only time in my life when I experienced being here and not being here at the same time. I experienced a Reality beyond space and time. That’s what I felt. I cannot deny it. What actually happened though, I don’t know. Being entranced is the best I can explain it. Something happened that changed my heart and soul and mind from then to now. If that Dance were lightning, then much of my writing since has been the thunder.

         Post. - Amorella