Notes - an undeniable self-truth in lesson form / ghost character

         Afternoon. You are waiting for Carol at Kroger’s on Tylersville after a late lunch at Smashburgers. Earlier, Carol and you both did your exercises – she expends more energy on her walk at the community center than you do on your forty minutes of exercises. However, you use more calories than she does in the workout. Beautiful afternoon with a bright winter sun – elevates your mood and attitude. – Amorella

         1418 hours. With the sunlight it feels warmer than it actually is. I have even opened the sunroof a couple of inches to rid the interior of excessive heat.

         Last night you were surprised by the intensity of the old X-File episode where Dana sees her father after he’s dead. – Amorella

         1423 hours. I had nothing on my mind Amorella, why bring this up?

         Because it bothers you still. – Amorella

         1424 hours. I think it is mostly wishful thinking. I see things from time to time but I know they are not real. I just let it go. Too much imagination is probably the best of the simple explanations. Let’s just say . . ..

         What? – Amorella

         1428 hours. I am prone to error – either way.

         Why else would you be interested in miracles? – Amorella

         1429 hours. You are being angel-like. It is easy to imagine myself a shade sitting on a tree stump with an Angel across from me asking me questions.

         So, what do I look like in this present imagination of yours?

         1432 hours. You are as a shade also, human in form for my comfort but you shine as moonlight, a full moon in moonlight white. I see you as male in this instance (surprisingly) and appearing slightly taller (6’3”) philosophic and Socrates-like. You would stand but for my comfort you are sitting though nothing appears beneath you, no tree trunk or log or rock. The only light I see is your own. It is soft and not intense, again, I think to allow me to be comfortable. Otherwise, our conversation is matter-of-fact and not prejudice for or against me. This is the visual tone. A white shroud, of sorts, covers your face, again I assume for my comfort and to protect me from too much curiosity in that I might wonder more about you as an angel if I could see you with a human-like face – but then at the same time I would rather assume you do not wish to adapt a human-like face – the shroud protects me from viewing you fully as you are. I like you better this way, assuming you have the Face of an Angel not a human one (like Socrates) – all this is anthropomorphic of course, and for my comfort in the existential-like spiritual experience. I am visualizing all this from my fingertips touching the keys not from actual sight because I am a shade and without eyes but to see by the moon-like angelic light. (1446). Carol arrives.

         You are home. From the above you can see that though you had nothing on your mind no distance away in terms of time and space you are sitting with an angelic like form having a conversation (at least according to your fingertips on the keyboard). – Amorella

         1524 hours. This is strange to think on yet there is a truth to what you say, something I cannot deny as it is here in front of me.

         As there is a truth, there is also a lesson. For you spiritual matters such as the above are not a matter of belief; they are not science in that, ‘Where is the proof?’; but they are not deniable either. – Amorella

         1528 hours. This is all fresh, Amorella. I do not have a legitimate response, let alone an argument. – rho

         So, what have you learned in this lesson? – Amorella

         1530 hours. Something I cannot yet articulate in words.

         Post. - Amorella

         2053 hours. This afternoon’s ‘thought experiment’ began at 1429 hours by 1430 hours. I had created a scene with myself and an angel-like creature – nothing more considered or thought – a piece of imaginary art in gray shades and lines by Gustave Dore – then the soft moonlight and angelic body with face covered. The lesson learned is that I can make up settings and characters very quickly while at the same time ‘being there in the moment’. It is as though an imaginary reality is spontaneously created and stands with me in it as if it has been there for eons. It is as though the image is fully created automatically unconsciously and I have to, as it were, blink, so that I might see it consciously. I do not understand how the ‘process’ of this can be so quick as to appear from nothing as timeless. This is how I see it, how I understand the sense of process without the sense of time or space, about the sense of being and not being both at once.

         You are back to the singular moment when you enveloped into an extraordinary setting of being engulfed into an angelic breath, so to speak, and you stood and physically danced on the carpeted basement floor of your bi-level home about the midnight hour humming ‘Hava Nagela” in the close environment of the Angel of G---D – a mystical experience out of the blue from nothing and never since. – Amorella

         2129 hours. Yes, it goes back to that, yet I already had command of reading automaticity and could have easily slipped into some sort of visual flash – a visual automaticity – and felt that this was an honest and true-to-me real mystical experience. Never before had I had an understanding of how it might be to be in two places at once – existing and not existing – being and not being. This ‘magic’ as it were is only in my head and I control it through writing it down and making it real as words but nothing else. The rest is imagination without belief – existential imagination in or out of mental and/or spiritual spontaneity.

         Enough for tonight. Post. – Amorella

         2137 hours. These are my true thought?

         The words are true to yourself; they are subjectively true. What else? Were I a real Angel you would have stated these words no differently, that is the crux of it. – Amorella

         2140 hours. This is how it is to have so much fiction holding up my spiritual spine. I am as raised from arrogance itself.

         Defying arrogance, boy. You are as nothing raised up. – Amorella

         2145 hours. I don’t know what this means.

         That is precisely the point. – Amorella

         2147 hours. This is theatre of the absurd. This is silly and unmannered. It is time to dismiss this, all of it, put a period on it, post, and go to sleep.

         And, how do you think the ghost of old Merlyn feels.? - Amorella

         2156 hours. Merlyn is a ghost character and nothing to the Living. He can sleep on it too.