Noon local time. The siren is whining in its
monthly checkout. You are at the community center waiting on Carol to complete
her walk. Earlier the fellow at the Best Buy Greek Squad fixed the problem with
the rear view camera – it is much better solidified into its position, but the
key will be in how well it holds its own against the new power water stream at
Mike’s Car Wash.
The first
thing this morning you were thinking about how the ‘nothing’ event stemmed out
from what Amorella had said, i.e. it was about me not you, yet you made it you.
You feel bad about this because you forgot what was important. I had answered a
personal question in a deeper way than ever before. It moved our relationship
from your perspective. Is this not the case? – Amorella
1207
hours. It is though I wouldn’t have expressed it as you have just done. I didn’t
know how to express it or even what to express exactly. Your words above ring
right though. I made a copy of the May notes from 22 May through the 31st
and have titled it “May and Nothing Wkg”. I want to cut it down specifically as
to the focus of those days, beginning with the lead up – just those notes in
particular. It was as a lesson that forced me to think deeper on how you are
either as an imaginary being or perhaps a real one. Either way it was a
learning experience for me.
Take a break. – Amorella
Mid-afternoon.
You had lunch at Panera/Chipotle, ran a couple of errands and had a Graeter’s.
By the time you arrived home Jill had left. Carol is making a grocery list
since Kim and the boys will be down tomorrow afternoon for an overnight and
return home Friday after lunch; Paul is on call Thursday and Friday.
1503
hours. We are always excited when they come down, plus tomorrow they are
bringing us one and a half dozen ‘everything’ cookies from the On the Rise Bakery
in Shaker Heights. Kim was up Sunday for a friend’s anniversary party (Paul
stayed with the boys.)
Let’s make a working copy of the material
from May and I will help you focus on what is important, as your wish is to
establish a deeper contact with me, the Amorella, but you are not sure how to
go about it. - Amorella
1508
hours. As I continue to have my doubts about your origin I will go generally
with you are an embedded figment of my imagination. If you are more, that is
fine with me too. The point, I want to remain respectfully distant either way. If
you continue with the sense of being ‘alien’ and bodiless then your consistency
over all these years should count for something; mine too as far as that goes.
We
cut the notes down to 6663 focus words. Save this Word document as “Dewdrop”
and also store it in Page. – Amorella
1645
hours. Now what?
Now we strip ‘Dewdrop’ down to essentials. –
Amorella
1647
hours. First we can try Word Summary at fifty percent.
See what happens, boy. – Amorella
1651
hours. That didn’t work well. We could eliminate all Wikipedia and Dictionary
material except for original search word.
Let’s do that as we move through and expunge
the nonessential data by day dates. – Amorella
1656
hours. This sounds more efficient. I need a break.
1804
hours. We have ‘Dewdrop’ down to 3818 words.
[1813
hours. I cut out a few more words from philosophy.
Cut the definitions and Wikipedia – Amorella]
Add
revised “Dewdrop” here and post. – Amorella
** **
DEWDROP
23 May
2016
.
. . Some things cannot be fully resolved in this world, which is one reason I
hope there is a spiritual world (after) in which I can resolve personal
matters, particularly in relationship to ‘love’, which I don’t like the definition
of because it does not cover the bases so to speak.
1302
hours. What comes to mind first is G---D. If I were to say, “I love G---D,”
where’s the definition of love based on the above definition?
There’s
the rub, boy. You do love G---D. – Amorella
1306
hours. That is the crux of the matter. You cut right to the chase, Amorella.
Now I am wordless.
1734
hours. How can I, an agnostic, honestly state I love G---D? Obviously, I cannot
love G---D beyond doubt.
We return to the point in your life where you
chose to make a private and personal stand, and then did so by accepting the
possibility not the probability of G---D’s existence and acted according to
your conscience, to your humanity, to your heartansoulanmind. Over a period of
months you were spiritually tested and passed where it counts most in the most,
in the spiritual world, not the physical. – Amorella
. . . I agree with Einstein that on some level our sense of
past, present, and future is not separate. I feel it is we Homo sapiens who
separate the divisions by our instinct to survive, to live in the continual
present. Even in this concept we develop a possible spiritual continuation so
that we might in a sense experience a future – ego at work I suspect. Back to
the subject – I do love G---D, not the concept of God, and I honestly call
myself an agnostic at the same time. – rho (1818)
You find it difficult to think on these
things without writing your thoughts down. – Amorella
1820 hour.
It is a necessity to write down my thoughts to think on the subject. Which
thoughts to write down and which not to write down? I have tried to cover the
gamut in these notes and on this blog.
. . . I can better accept that it is possible within myself
to live better accepting that G---D is, not necessarily that G---D exists.
There is a difference between ‘is’ and ‘existing’ in this context as I see it
presently.
You lose nothing by thinking boy. This is
what the brain does. Learning is a human condition not a fact in the usual
sense of the word. Post. – Amorella
24 May 2016
.
. . You have been thinking about the meaning of ‘the difference between
IS and EXISTING in terms of Greater Reality than the terms Physical as a
contrast to Spiritual. Later. – Amorella
1351
hours. I cannot remember a time in my life that my perceptions of reality were
congruent with most everyone else’s that I have known personally. I have
mentioned examples of this within these several years of ‘Notes’ on the blog.
Doug (knowledge and concepts) and quantum mechanics in general takes care of
the smallest particles. We do not know things at the depths of particle
fragmentation or integration – the building blocks of the known building blocks
of matter. Within ourselves we know our composition as physical creatures but
not as spiritual creatures. What makes us spiritually oriented? Imagination
comes to mind first. We calculate from personal perspective and then from the
perspective of those who surround us – this embodies knowledge, wisdom and more
imagination as well as conjecture and happenstance. Ignorance plays a major
part too because there are times in our lives that we don’t know any better. I
am going to feign arrogance here and say the difference (in context) between IS
and EXISTING is that we don’t know any better. One reason for this ignorance is
because we don’t have the vocabulary to express between Timelessness and Time
except to say that supposedly Timelessness has no gravity, that it is only with
gravity that Time as a human perception exists (the gravity in thought v. gravity
in physics?). This is where ignorance is helpful. I simply don’t have much to
ponder against such a concept because I don’t know any better. These are my
(mostly internal) personal observations and certainly they not necessarily the
observations of others. (1410)
.
. . You would like me to help you here,
as an imaginary-or-not writing persona, in distinguishing between Timelessness
and Time from the Amorella’s perspective. This is where you were going whether
you realized it or not. Later, dude.
Evening.
You have been writing to Doug this evening on ‘is’ and ‘existence’ and other
things.
25 May
2016
You
would like me to help you here, as an imaginary-or-not writing persona, in
distinguishing between Timelessness and Time from the Amorella’s perspective.
This is where you were going whether you realized it or not. - Amorella
1417
hours. I really think you talked about this once but not necessarily in this
concept framework.
We leave G---D out of it. Doug mentioned how
sleep might be construed as an alternate reality, and death also as an
alternate reality. Hypnosis is also considered an alternate reality. We can
work with this without your concern for stepping into the deep end, so to
speak. – Amorella
1425
hours. I don’t feel comfortable getting too close (for me psychologically). I
have learned that no one can get that close to G---D accidently or otherwise.
In here, boy, accidents are sometimes a
misnomer. This is from my perspective not yours. - Amorella
1447
hours. I just looked up ‘misnomer’ which original meant ‘wrongly named’ in Old
French. It is strange that sometimes after you have used a word I have to look
it up because, in the moment, I become unsure the more I think about it. What
would you use in place of ‘accident’?
1457
hours. If I were worth my salt I’d come up with the list myself. Such irony.
You do not see a proper word. –
Amorella
(1521 hours) I don’t.
Think of this, the tiny hole in a floorboard
causes a nail to enter and close it. – Amorella . . .
Nothing
exists then gravity, that’s the analogy. - Amorella
1621
hours. This doesn’t make sense. How can gravity come from nothing?
Distortion. – Amorella
1652
hours. Nothingness has distortions near its edge?
2158
hours. The only thing that a vacuum can hold is consciousness, and if a vacuum
contains not-a-thing but rather consciousness (because it is non-material as is
the heart and soul) then consciousness [i.e. mind-like] may indeed be timeless.
This is what I have constructed from this material presently.
[Nothing
on 26 May]
27 May
2016
I don’t
think I resolved the problem between Timelessness and Time. You say, “Nothing exists then gravity, that’s the
analogy.”
28 May
2016
1539
hours. I am still thinking about how it would be if next to Nothing-at-All
there were distortions of gravity waves. I try to imagine a visible even though
light would not have been created yet.
From
my, the Amorella’s perspective, light need never exist. What do you think?
1543
hours. I think it would be easier for you to remain consistent. I return to
‘Form’. Over the years I have used the image you drew of yourself but that form
is after entering the dimensions in which we, the Living, exist. What comes to
mind is I have thought of you as a ghostly sort of form, but . . . anyway, it
is difficult to imagine you without a form when obviously, from my perspective,
you have a function.
Humans cannot imagine what they are not
(that is, all of physics). Even spiritual aspects (heart and soul) are imagined
lightly. . . . Now, look for soul
images. – Amorella
1725
hours. I cannot find any suitable image – the closest would be a female
photograph in black and white or a classical Greek sculpture of a female form.
First, I can only imagine a soul anticipating a physical form embodied with
heart and mind. I prefer my soul female in form. If I were female I would
prefer my soul male in form. I prefer
you, Amorella, female. However, what form would you prefer? (I imagine a leaf
of grass.)
A
very small drop of natural (unpolluted) water; a dewdrop will do. – Amorella
1745
hours. This is a surprise. I would not have thought of something so simple yet
so extremely important to life as we know it.
You asked. Something to think about, huh? –
Amorella
1749
hours. I agree. I have learned something, if not about you, Amorella, then
about myself.
Either way, you realize something about what
it is to be a human being. Post. – Amorella
Simplification
is a key. - rho
2112
hours. What to be; a dewdrop of natural water. I am taken in by the purity of
the concept. Tonight on either ABC or NBC News a reference was made to the
discovery of Clathrate Ices in Comet 67P.
2225
hours. This is becoming an evening of quiet reflection – imagination and
contemplation on the understated simplicity of Amorella being as a thoughtful
dewdrop.
Let the thought be as it is, boy. Watch the
thought settle in the quiet. No need for imagination and contemplation. Let the
‘dewdrop imagery’ be. Post. – Amorella
29 May
2016
Being
minimalist is comprehensive enough. Don’t you think, boy? – Amorella
0917
hours. Yes.
Nouns do not exist. – Amorella
0931
hours. This is an understanding.
Being is. – Amorella
***
2200
hours. I do not know how to articulate my observation on the morning
meditation.
It is difficult to describe a sensation,
metaphysical or otherwise, without nouns, boy. People like to use a natural
image such as a lake or stream on a mountain or the seashore or in a forest. A
deep sleep does not do either though you have thought that it might, as it is
the closest to death that people can go naturally every day. What comes to your
mind is that nothing-at-all may appear to be sense as being comfortably encased
in a solid. This sounds counterintuitive to you but that is the sense of it –
an invisible solid, that when someone would appear to be looking in they
wouldn’t see you or a solid – only empty without time or space as a reference.
That is what is in your head at the moment. – Amorella
2211
hours. Thank you, that is better than, pardon the pun, nothing. There is no
sense of freedom or justice or peace – it is as being-all-together, a unit of
heartansoulanmind – heartansoulanmind as a being-in-a-comfortable-solid-without-mass-time-energy.
You add a bit yourself. Good. This is as it
was for you in heartansoulanmind alone. Post. - Amorella
30 May
2016
Where you were in your head yesterday was
not a place of Freedom, Justice, Peace. – Amorella
0936
hours. Our heartsansoulsanminds complicate our life’s decisions.
Yet, you said that your heartansoulanmind was
in Nothing (a solid) and that, in fact, your heartansoulanmind was as a solid
metaphysical piece. – Amorella
0939
hours. Simply put, that’s the way it was. Freedom, Justice, Peace did not enter
into the equation. That was the ‘mystical-like’ environment.
Mystical-like is the wrong wordage. –
Amorella
0942
hours. You are right, the ‘condition’ was not mystical; it just was. A place of
‘being’, not even capitalized.
1528
hours. Off and on, I continue to think on the ‘conditional experience’
yesterday. It was not a hypnotic induced experience. I just appeared in the
three-dimensional field, the block of Nothing-at-All. I don’t remember being
‘centered’ in the block either. I was just there within it. It felt
three-dimensional because I felt three-dimensional but I was not. It was as a
remnant of being three-dimensional.
1712
hours. I find my brain events interesting and have been writing them down most
of my life. They stretch a sense of what reality is as far as I am concerned
because the experiences are subjectively real enough to pull a perspective that
I would not have had otherwise. This event yesterday is no different from the
others in that sense. Basically, what I am thinking is that I might use the
descriptions in a scene where human souls exist before they accept
heartsanminds.
Pre-lived souls? – Amorella
1719
hours. I cannot image a post-lived soul being in such a circumstance.
You are, as it were, a living soul
presently. How would you find yourself again as a pre-soul? – Amorella
1721
hours. My soul was pulled into a flashback of ‘before’. I don’t know how I
could use that but that is my first explanation for use in a fiction.
What about putting down the fiction business
and consider your ‘events’ as you see them as plausible nonfiction? – Amorella
1723
hours. I cannot accept such events as anything more than fiction. I toy between
the metaphysical and the physical, the science. The metaphysical has nothing to
do with belief in the sense of religion. To say any of the events were real
would be arrogant because I know better.
Don’t erase. Too good, orndorff. Live with
it and post. – Amorella
2222
hours. It is always best to assume that I am mostly fiction. That’s what I do,
because I have no idea really what the most basic truths are that we can know
about ourselves. Honesty doesn’t necessarily show we are crazy; it shows that
we are inconsistent. I assume this inconsistency allows us to survive longer as
individuals and as a species. - Post. –
Amorella
31 May 2016
.
. .You are wondering if there is anything else to come of your “‘nothing’ brain
event” from the other day. – Amorella
1455
hours. I assume not because I cannot think of anything more about it. Actually,
it’s almost gone from my head. This is where I have a problem. Even upon
re-reading what I wrote, my subjective observation, I don’t remember. Here is
what I remember presently. I was here then I was nothing nowhere. I seemed to
be in a cube-like form but I was as nothing as nothing was. Basically, that’s
it. Then the dew drop. I liked that concept because it stretches from near
Nothing out into the entire universe as water in a crystal-like form. Very cool
imagery. Very basic, very simple. That’s it other than it isn’t relevant to
anything except my imagination and as a projection point on what reality is via
the subjective experience. It is no longer really very interesting. Maybe it’s
because I’m tired and need a nap before my exercises. - Post.
– Amorella – 2440 words, 12 pages in Arieal/14
** **
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