“[I feel an] alien-like sense within myself . . . entered to control . . . entered to live though I realized I could just as easily go to another place . . . as good as, better, and/or worse environment. [There is] a sense of contradiction here – interesting. Pressures [within] are interesting as is perspective.”
Wow, Amorella. I had forgot about these notes. This is when I first had a sense of myself as ‘you’ – clear back in 1984. This is the session where Dr. Q took me back to my early pre-three year old days and I found myself in the incubator and before. What an imagination.
You can see the box with the focus on my “head” with a flat body. I remember the sensation was in the back of my neck as I tried to raise my head but I could not. Below I had scribbled “lots of light – lots of eyes” and there they are drawn immediately after the session. In the session the doctor asked if there were any ‘monsters’ and I drew white sleeves with no hands. He thought that was relevant in that young babies cannot ‘see’ fingers.
We also talked about how imagination and stories play into hypnosis. Fiction is what it is sometimes whether you are in an hypnotic state or not.
According to my notes the depth of my hypnotic state was between a four and a six. This would include:
“(Four) effortless concentration . . . sometimes an alternation between internal and external awareness; then (five) a very lucid state of consciousness with intense alertness, calmness and detachment; then (six) intuitive insight as seen from a more aware level and a synthesis of opposites into a higher unity. The EEG rhythms would be (4) continuous alpha theta falling in frequency; (5) continuous theta alpha frequency near the theta border; (6) very little electrical brain activity except occasional delta.” (From: “Stages of Relaxation,” The Awakened Mind: Biofeedback and the Development of Higher States of Awareness by Maxwell C. Cade and Nona Coxhead published in 1979.)
What does this show you about myself orndorff?
It is a bit of a self-revelation which is a surprise. This same session four is the one where I took an imaginary leap and returned to before birth when I was in the sterile hospital-like room where the tall thin aliens were, the ones whose outer skin reminded me of rough pine cone. They looked very much, strangely enough, like the aliens in the movie Artificial Intelligence at least in terms of body size and movement.
It is no wonder, in the books, that I associated Amorella with an alien. This is indeed funny. Every so often when writing up the material in the books I would ‘wake up’ so to speak, and say to myself, “I know where this concept/idea/event comes from in real life.” Now I know where Amorella comes from, 1984 not 1988. This just shows me another example of how writing fiction has a lot more honesty and truth to it than first appears, at least in my case.
This makes me freer in mind. Cause: clinical hypnosis in 1984 and the Effect: Amorella in 1988. Still, without Amorella using all this information it could not have been woven into the Merlyn’s Mind series as it is. The world of the mind is an interesting place. I understand myself better.
You think the blog is complete now because you have come to an understanding of yourself?
No. That would be arrogant. It feels good though, to have realized how you originally came about.
You have no idea.
You are right, Amorella. The hypnosis session is a hypothesis. So is your explanation concerning the original sketch I drew. The hypnosis session is the easier explanation because it is simpler and it happened first.
You had another hypothesis.
That goes back to Summer of 1947. I was five. I remember eating breakfast at my Grandparents Orndorff and I began a conversation with Aunt Jemima who was on a box of pancake mix.
(I just googled her history to find that her name was Nancy Green, that she was a fifty-nine year old former slave and court clerk in Chicago and that she portrayed the original Aunt Jemima at the Chicago World’s Exposition of 1893. She had “a broad smile, bandanna and kerchief rough her neck displayed on packages of Aunt Jemima Pancake Mix and Syrup products first marketed by the Davis Milling Company in the 1890’s.” [From: www.tvacres.com/images/aunt_jemima2]) I did not know that.
In the Merlyn’s Mind series the character of Grandma of the “Grandma’s Stories” section is somewhat based on a combination of Aunt Jemima and the actress who portrayed the house slave of Scarlett, Hattie McDaniel in Gone with the Wind.
In my books Grandma is “Mother Nature” and a no nonsense all knowing woman who doesn’t put up with anyone or anything. No one could utter a word of BS to old Grandma. She will put you in your place. She did me more than a couple of times when I was hitting the keys for Amorella. I like her character a lot. No, I love her character.
The key to that first conversation I had with Aunt Jemima is that she answered me as I sat right there at the breakfast table eating pancakes (I suppose I was eating pancakes). She was magically there in my head and I looked out the window across Knox Street and there lay the dead. I wondered if they could talk too. That’s how it was. And, of course, that goes back much further than 1984 -- so, I guess it is rather complicated.
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