Notes - the Dead gathering around / Arthur's fictional warhorse / I'm here, dude

         Mid-morning. The right side of your hip throbs from the fall and your right arm is sore as well. Carol’s not too happy you won’t take a pain pill but as they were five dollars a pill you will wait until something really hurts. Unlike you the weather is blue skies, sunny, and warming up to eighty degrees today according to the forecasters.

         It used to be that forecasters were shamans in tribes not on local and national television. Now, those were the old days.

         Would you like to go back and live in such times? I’m sure plenty of Dead from around the world will tell you what it was like, at least in my book the Dead are gathering around to tell you some stories of how it was. Care to listen? – Amorella

         This attitude is a bit unlike you, Amorella. I didn’t say, “those were the good old days”. Besides, it is rather bazaar of you to hand me an image of the Dead gathering around.

         You figure it out, boy. Post. - Amorella

        1246 hours. We have been working in the front yard, putting mulch where needed. I did find the information on the horse, it was in the 19 December 2011 post. Here is part gleaned at that time.

** **

         I found a modern Andalusian-Friesian Cross, a Warlander, is one of the closest modern breeds to a warhorse of the 7^th century. Here is a Wiki-image of such a horse:

         I think this is a horse that both Arthur and Merlyn would favor for different reasons: Arthur for magnificent practicality, intelligence and vigor while Merlyn would appreciate his noble physical features, gait and poise. I can see both of them talking about such a once singular horse as a friend and I would talk about a classic Cord or Porsche.

** **

         Carol is about finished drying her hair and you need to get ready to go to lunch. Later, boy. Post. - Amorella

        1533 hours or as Amorella would say, “mid-afternoon”. We had lunch at Chipotle/Panera; to home, then to Pine Hill Park, are usual place. We have the bread but no birds await a treat. Carol wanted to know more about the quote: “Hannibal ad portas”. I checked on Wiki-Off and found the real quote was “Hannibal before the gates [of Rome]” not “Hannibal at the gates!” “Hannibal ante portas!” My explanation point as it is doubtful this would have been uttered in a quiet, calm voice. Carol has begun a new paperback, Blowback, by Brad Thor – that’s where the quote comes in. I love Wikipedia Offline. I’m sure it has shortcuts I have not used yet.

         In dismay you are backtracking and counting the first person singular and plural pronouns. – Amorella

         It is depressing to think I would use so many in so few words. It is no wonder your writing me in third person is more comforting. At least it takes “I and me” off the page.

         Detachment is not always a good thing, orndorff. – Amorella

         From my perspective, in context with notes, it is more polite and has a more ‘scholarly’ tone like a Master’s thesis.

         Are you hankering for an honorary doctorate for all your notes? Amorella

         No. Though I did have the fantasy once, ‘honorary doctorate of literature’. That was back in the 1990’s before I really didn’t know what I was doing. Lord, Amorella, -- it is embarrassing to think back then – I was going to write a great piece of literature and become rich and famous. I admit to it crossing my mind, but before long I realized that I was writing mostly for myself, an audience of one, and perhaps a few friends, those I shared my notes with for the three Merlyn series books. I gave them a copy of each book when self-published. I do not have the temperament or the imagination to be a professional novelist. I would have to write for a mass audience and if I were successful publishers would demand more – because, well, there would be money to be made. I would have to have an agent. I don’t like agents because I had a bad experience with one once; back in the late seventies. Fortunately or not, I don’t like money, which I am sure is much easier to say because I don’t need any. Every damn line in this paragraph has an ‘I’ in it. No more – done talking through myself for the day.

         You would rather forget that you exist.

         Yes. Life would be less complicated.

         For you, or for everyone else? – Amorella

         The comment (life – complicated) was a generalization, Amorella.  No more, please. I will continue on catching up the months, January, February, March and April – then I will place those in a single 2011-2012 file like the other two years so I can readily ‘search’ and ‘find’ what I need. If I had done this earlier I would have easily found Arthur’s fictional horse.

         After dusk, half a ham and cheese for supper. Tomorrow morning the doctor’s at ten. After that, if tonight’s rain has dried off you can finish the front yard mulching. You and Carol watched the latest episode of GCB and you wonder if you are the only ones laughing and being entertained by all that wonderful satire and good writing. - Amorella

         2115 hours. Time for bed – tired.

         Did you ever name the horse? Post. - Amorella

         If I did I can't find a record of it. He's a favorite, dark and fast so I will have to come up with a name setting with that tone, in Gaelic I imagine. 

         I'll let you know what's appropriate with a twitch near the bottom of your right eye. - Amorella

         It has been a decade or so since you communicated to me that way.

         Anytime you need a sincere quick response, I'll know. I'm here, dude. - Amorella

Notes - sincere thoughts / dark, dark humor & Boo!

         Early afternoon. You just completed your forty minutes of modified aerobics and are sitting in the black bedroom chair. You cleaned the MacAir screen after cleaning the iPad and your new glasses (hoping they are the last ones you have to buy). The date hit you first, the twenty-ninth, then the month, April, then ‘a quick tip of the old black beret tribute to Geoffrey Chaucer:

Here bygynneth the Book 
of the tales of Caunterbury

                                 Whan that aprill with his shoures soote

                                 The droghte of march hath perced to the roote,           

                                 And bathed every veyne in swich licour

                                 Of which vertu engendred is the flour;

                                 Whan zephirus eek with his sweete breeth

                                 Inspired hath in every holt and heeth

                                 Tendre croppes, and the yonge sonne

                                 Hath in the ram his halve cours yronne,

                                 And smale foweles maken melodye,

                                 That slepen al the nyght with open ye

                                 (so priketh hem nature in hir corages);

                                 Thanne longen folk to goon on pilgrimages, . . .

         Then, with ‘pilgrimages’ I thought of my friend Bob Pringle who used to teach Chaucer, as did I – so this is a quick tribute to Bob too.

         Sincere thoughts are reality too, boy; don’t let anyone tell you different. Post. - Amorella

         Late afternoon. After Carol was finished talking to Gayle, her sister in California, you checked the mail and there was a note from Patti, Bob’s wife, saying you ought to get together soon. A coincidence, you think, but a good one. You decided on Kenwood and Potbelly’s for lunch and a Graeters strawberry chocolate chip kid’s dip for dessert. Now you are feeding the birds at Pine Hill Lakes Park’s northern end (entrance on the curve at King’s Mill Road). The afternoon has turned much sunnier—a pleasant day. – Amorella

         I have rarely considered any thought to be a reality. So, does a ‘sincere thought’ (in this context) come from the heartansoulanmind?

         Absolutely.

         What if the thought is ‘sincere’ but the premise for/of the thought is immoral or false?

         Now, there’s the rub, my man. – Amorella

         Wow. This could be a real complication if ‘sincerity’ is really who you are.

         A person is more than a single sincere thought, boy; that is the real complication, Dead or Alive, in my book. – Amorella

         By ‘my’ book are you referring to the Merlyn series?

         And blog too. Yes. Indirectly. “My” means more literally, “in context with myself”. Personally, you prefer a second person pronoun for yourself. I, on the other hand, prefer ‘Amorella’ rather than the first person ‘I’.

         In your perspective are morals absolute?

         I, Amorella, am not absolute. Why would anyone expect absolute to exist in this or any other universe or conjured metaphysical system?

         People do. Grammar has absolute rules, at least English grammar does.

         Are they followed?

         Not by everyone.

         Then they are not absolute. To say so, is to make a false statement, to stick by it is false pride. – Amorella

         I’m taking a small leap here – does that mean laws that are absolute are immoral?

         They are false. They are developed from a false premise and tempered by false pride and false arrogance.

         Is the word ‘false’ an absolute?

         Do you, in your Platonic thinking, consider ‘truth’ to be an absolute?

         I do not know. Our culture assumes ‘truth’ exists and it ‘will make us free’. This is what I have heard my whole life. I would like to think there is a truth to it.

         Good wording. ‘To say there is a truth to the statement’ is different from saying the statement is the truth. – Amorella

         What about Lord Acton’s famous statement: “Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.”

         “Power tends to corrupt,” has a ‘human’ truth to it. Any observant of the human species will recognise that ‘absolute [human] power does not exist; therefore the second half of the statement is false. – Amorella

         You want to ask about the traditional Biblical “Ten Commandment” but are fearful (out of religious respect) to do so. Being polite is part of who you are, young man. If you were to ask the question it would not be sincere. Let someone else ask herorhimself the same question. Let an Angel, factious or not, stand at herorhis face when asking. Let this person look herorhimself in the mirror to see who is the more rebellious. – Amorella

         Upon arriving home you saw Tim mowing so you and Carol mowed the yard, she ended up mowing half because you fell while putting the lawn trimmer away, landing on the garage floor with your right hip first. As you have been falling about once a week lately it is time to put a marker on this. %

         A small amount of left over green pepper, meat and rice and half a peanut butter and raisin sandwich for supper. Carol is watching a DVRed “The Firm” while you are sitting in the living room eating the sandwich. It has been another day (for which you are grateful) where you and Carol have accomplished at least some house/yard work.

         This is also the first day since taking my blood pressure regularly that the systolic and diastolic were both in the normal range at least for one reading.

         You continued this line of thinking with: ‘I will continue to lose weight and all my various readings will be classified as normal then I’ll either get hit by a Mack truck or struck by lightning.’

         My dark humor continues, Amorella, but I didn’t feel the need to share it with my kind readers.

         It’s sharable, boy, and that brings up a point that also ran through your mind a few seconds ago, ‘If I get struck by lightning friends would be shocked but others who read the blog and books might think, ‘The old fellow deserved it because he has been dancing with the devil.’

         True, I thought it. Still more dark humor. It reminds me when Gary P. and I used to chat (i.e. it was rumored falsely at Mason High and with humor that I had been a member of the CIA – I even had a friend get me a CIA hat once and I wore it on costume day once or twice, playing the fiction for what it was worth). The point is that with this in mind Gary said, ‘What would happen if you got shot?’ And, you shot back, ‘Wouldn’t that be a cool way to go? Nobody would know why I was shot, and it would be a Mason mystery for a while. Theories would rise. Stir people up; give them something to think about. It wouldn’t be all that bad.’ 

        You both laughed but it was a sincere thought, “Give the people something to think about for a while.” - Amorella

         My sense of humor fits in here too, orndorff. The books and blog might do the same thing one day, no need for someone to waste a bullet. Post. – Amorella

         I doubt that, Amorella. But it is a fun thought. I always like delightful little mysteries and jokes – so much so that I don’t mind being the butt of one now and then. One of the best jokes I thought of was to have the sun shut off or shut way down for about three seconds or so, long enough to be registered on the scientific apparatus around the world, then have the sun come back on all regular and like and not shut off like that again for another ten thousand years or so, then do it again – another three seconds. Shoot, how many papers would that sell? Think of the speculation . . . end of the world as we know it and all that . . . literately I guess it would be the end of the world as we know it, but so what; that was it, one little freak natural solar snafu and that’s it. Now, I’m sure I would be as shook up as anyone else, but somewhere deep inside I would have a laugh and wait for the human consequences to arise, and hope they were positive consequences of course.

         Dark, dark humor, boy, but again, a sincere thought and hope that something good would come from it. - Amorella

       It is just a joke, Amorella. In re-reading this full daily posting, this concluding 'humorous'  concept has an ominous ring to it as my dark humor still runs in overdrive. 

         This last statement is full of humor, orndorff, at least from my perspective. It is also sincerely stated which adds a delicious tone to the humor.  Boo!  - Have a good night, old man. - Amorella

        2112 hours. Trash is out and the grass is blown off the driveway and walk. Dark thoughts continue though. Politeness declares me to keep my mind private on this. My last word for the day has slipped my mind twice now but if it comes back I’ll write it down. It has something to do with the best of intentions.

         That’s all you need, boy. Why don’t you put your mind to some good use and continue restoring your files, especially from your blog. Post. - Amorella

Notes - you would be a realist / not even a whisper

         Late mid-afternoon. You and Carol are back at the bottom north end of Pine Hill park. You bought a hot chocolate and Carol a cafe au lait with the addition of two oatmeal-raisin cookies from Kidd’s. The Boy Scouts delivered twenty bags of dark mulch mid-afternoon, so now you are free for the rest of the day – you didn’t know when they were going to deliver and as it has been raining throughout the day Carol thought the garage would be best.

         We sat around with a carry out lunch from Penn Station and caught up on some DVR: “Missing”, “CSI NY”. Yesterday we also watched “Person of Interest”. We enjoy all these shows. We have both been addicted to crime mysteries since the radio days of “Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar”. (I wonder if that is on Wikipedia?) Wow. It does not exist. The show was a great in the early to mid fifties. Carol listened to reruns later in Korea and Vietnam on Armed Forces Radio.

         Earlier today I received a note from Jay, an former IHHS student about “Manny” secretly donating a great amount of money to privately help the French Resistance during the war – it concludes by mentioning who Manny was (no one ever knew); it was Emanuel Goldenberg (Edward G. Robinson). I just checked Wiki though and there is no reference to “Manny”. I have seen this “Manny” commentary before. It is a good story that I hope would be true – that there was a secret “Manny” who delivered cash for goods to the French Resistance. It does not have to have been Emanuel Goldenberg.

         You are forever a Romantic, orndorff. Your ‘muse’ had you pegged correctly – forever hopeful (even if in secret). – Amorella

         Even as an existentialist what good would it be to even be otherwise?

         One would be a realist, boy. – Amorella

         Home. Scopes says the story of Goldenberg as Manny is False in the specifics though he did contribute a lot to the war effort in money and time. It looks like the ‘Manny’ story was an embellishment, an added tribute to the good works the man/actor did do.

         While you are thinking about it, put the half a loaf of old bread in the car for the birds at the park for tomorrow. Post. – Amorella

         Yes. Carol wanted me to do that. Thanks, Amorella

         I remembered to check on Johnny Dollar. Here’s what I found on Wikipedia. I could not find it offline because I did not include the comma “Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar”. Obviously, the app is not perfect.

** **

“Yours Truly, Johnny Dollar was a radio drama of "the transcribed adventures of the man with the action-packed expense account — America's fabulous freelance insurance investigator." The show aired on CBS Radio from January 14, 1949 to September 30, 1962. There were 811 episodes in the 12-year run, and more than 720 still exist today.”  - Wikipedia

** **

         2057 hours. We had leftovers (stuffed peppers) for supper, quite excellent then watched the DVRed “Blue Bloods”. Carol is watching “Scandal” and I have “Grimm” and “Touch” to watch sometime this weekend. Again, I am ready to go to bed early. I would like to continue with scene ten but nothing comes to mind.

         How about Merlyn reminiscing about the last dream Arthur said he had (riding his horse into the night to find Guinevere) and how this sets Merlyn’s mood before he interrupts Sophia? Also, you need to check the time of day in the story and to remind the reader. And, while you are at it, download the blog since December to have everything more up to date. One more thing, find the photo and info on the horse in your notes. All that before we continue with scene ten.  – Amorella

         I never know what to expect from you, Amorella. Orders on a Saturday night.

         You tell everyone that when you are retired, “Everyday is Saturday.” You need prodded every so often, this is one of those times.

         At least you don’t have a pitchfork.

         I don’t need one, boy. I don’t need anything; not even a whisper. Post. - Amorella

Notes - Arthur's horse? / factual enough / something to consider

         Mid-morning. You both had breakfast and Carol is reading the paper. You are puzzled by the dream sequence you remember because you cannot remember the last time you had a dream of riding a horse, a black horse at that.

         That’s all I remember of it – the joy of riding a black horse fast through the night. Interesting in that I do not like horses so much and they don’t like me either. This has been an aversion since I hit Marjorie’s horse while driving along 3C’s south of Westerville after football practice my junior year of high school. Tommy Fletcher was with me. The car, my ’49 Ford, did not kill the horse, thank goodness, but Marjorie was hurt. What a mess I caused. I still think the horse she was riding shied out and I clipped her good, causing the horse to ride up the hood to the windshield. I lost my driver’s license for thirty days and had to pay a fine for ‘failure to yield to a horse’. I think horses don’t like me because of my weight. If one sees me coming the anxiety appears in its eyes. Anyway, I was enjoying the ride on the fast steed in last night’s dream.

         You suddenly had a vague recollection of finding a photo of a dark horse to be a symbol of King Arthur’s favorite. Why not use the dream of dead Arthur riding the memory of that horse? Dreams of the Dead and of the Living cannot be that much different. – Amorella

         Amazing. I think I posted the photo as I planned to use it but I don’t know when.

         You have not kept your blog up to date offline. Perhaps it is time to do so. Post. - Amorella

         You worked out your aerobics for forty minutes plus two but whose counting. Someone has herorhis mower running and it is supposed to rain tomorrow. Good day today, so perhaps you ought to get with it. – Amorella

         I am sure I posted a photo of Arthur’s horse in the book. While exercising I was thinking about whom Arthur would be dream-riding to see – of course, his not so true love, Guinevere. A powerful force love is, even in death. I had not thought about this. Two lovers, such as Heloise and Abelard – stuck through the devices of their own minds. One would think they would be reunited, forever in a happy contentment but Heloise still has family and so does Abelard, both still have their friends, many with mixed feelings as to what the ‘right’ thing to do is. At least I can see this in HeavenOrHellBothOrNeither. What complications. It is no wonder that Gloama is fed up and moving the Dead on at the conclusion of book three – a few at a time, to newer pastures, so to speak. In a way Gloama is reenacting the spiritual pattern of the old hierarchs and prophets. She has been called forth about the time of Merlyn’s death. It takes a while for this to make its way ‘intuitively known’ to the Living; even without ‘time’ consciousness moves forward. Interesting.

         Human beings make leaps; never mind the gaps. Enterprising species if you ask me. – Amorella

         If I climb the trees once in a while to look over the vast forest there are things to see even without eyes.

         That’s a factual enough human statement from my reading, orndorff; not nearly so arrogant as you think. Post. - Amorella

         Mid-afternoon. No mowing today but you and Carol did trim the three large interconnected bushes in the front to the southeast of the driveway.         

         I had to go to Ace and buy some serious limb cutters with 32 inch handles for the bottom branches of those bushes, trimming the top was harder because I was up the four of five steps trimming a foot or so off the top with an electric cutter trimmer with a six foot pole. It’s done though and we are in the hill shade at the far north of Pine Hill [Lakes] City Park. After this, a couple errands then Carol is making stuffed peppers for supper.

         You are a little more communicative this afternoon.

         That’s all I have to say; I thought the details ought to be filled in for clarity. What’s an existentialist to do if not fill in the details?

         What about the transcendentalist half of the existentialist you are?

         I think that is what the Merlyn books are about in that since no one knows for sure about matters transcendental could all be a necessary use of imagination as far as our humanity is concerned. I’ll (with your guidance on the keys to the fingers) make up my own transcendental matterless ‘space’. I want to say ‘important guidance’ but I don’t think there is a correct adjective to use here without giving a brown-nosing sort of tone to the sentence. It is ‘indispensable guidance’ and that’s a fact not BS.

         Yes, the guidance is indispensable and imperative in your particular case. – Amorella

         It is imperative for obtaining my goal of becoming content before I die.

         If you are content before you die, then what will you do after?

         Sleep endlessly. That sounds good presently. If the heartansoulanmind really do have to continue growing then let it be by some sort of laid back transcendental metamorphosis. That’s my superfluous thought for this afternoon, particularly before my nap.

         1606 hours. I just used Wikipedia Offline for the first time – searched “Merlin” and there it was. Then as Carol is presently reading The Affair by Lee Child I looked up the author – the Wiki article told about one of his books, Running Blind. This is just awesome. All this free material is only $10.00 for the app. Awesome. It is wonderful people volunteer to keep Wikipedia afloat. I hope the app people donate some of their deserved profits to the Wiki cause.

         Last stop, Kroger’s on Tylersville after Key Bank and Graeter’s. Tomorrow the Boy Scouts deliver your many bags of mulch so there will be more April work distributing it around the yard.

         Dusk. The robins nesting on the water spout next to the front porch are finished with their property thus Carol disposed of it and you put the outdoor chairs on the porch as they are on the deck. Now you are set for summer.

         Another decent day in which we accomplished what we set out to do in the yard and watched last night’s “The Mentalist” along with the national news. I am still pumped about having Wikipedia quickly (quicker than online) and readily available and ready for copy onto Word in my MacAir. It is also available in many other languages. 

         It is as a miracle to you as was the first Franklin Speller you ever bought.

         A perk with teaching in high schools is that I had wonderful libraries and librarians who would help me with my searches. There were always local branch libraries also, and the main library in downtown Cincinnati. In Columbus I used the main library as well as Ohio State and Otterbein libraries when needed. I need mostly references and they are all there online and some now offline. It is indeed a minor miracle to me. I am always a reader first and a writer second.

         Good of you to acknowledge this publically, young man. – Amorella

         I cannot imagine not being able to read and do my personal research and projects when dead. In the quiet I will miss that the most – I would rather not be conscious (without self awareness and memory) after death, particularly without my friends, without human companions. What would be the point? How can one grow without self-study, without observation of one’s own species growing?

         This is something to consider, boy; until tomorrow. Post. – Amorella

Notes - what would be the point?

         You are sitting in the lot near the Pottery Barn at the Tanger Outlet off I-71 and S.R.35. You drove up to Dublin to see Uncle John (Hammond) and to celebrate his eighty-eighth birthday a month early, as you will in Cleveland when he has his real birthday. He was quite chipper and in good spirits. Carol, you and Mary Lou took him to a well known nearby restaurant for an excellent buffet lunch at La Scala off Dublin-Grandville Road in east Dublin.

         1638 hours. Home, unpacked and sitting in the easy chair in the bedroom while Carol is greeting the cat in the kitchen. After that full course lunch/dinner (bowl of fish & mix soup, garden salad (plus), meat balls and spaghetti (plus), and carrot cake for dessert) combo I will have to do my exercises today. I want to do them today.

         You and Carol watched the national news and the DVRed “Revenge” from last night. You then completed forty minutes of modified aerobics to help balance out the lunch/dinner you had earlier – half a peanut butter and raisin sandwich on wheat for a lite supper. Earlier today you finally hit 275.0 on the scales. Your next goal is 260 – the weight app says you should aim for an August target, but you have your doubts. Your muse is on your mind, but then what else is new. – Amorella

         She is. I am ready for bed though, not writing. It has been a good and fun day, but I am ready for a good night’s sleep.

         Are you going to try your Sigmund app again? How about I program the words and you can see what happens?

         Okay, Amorella. I’ll try it. Here are the words my ‘intuition’ tapped: [ancient; battle; paradise; rendezvous; beach].

         I concur, boy. Post. – Amorella

         Obviously, ancient, battle, paradise relate to The Rebellion but I don’t know about rendezvous. Beach brings to mind, Rio. What do you want me to dream – having a rendezvous with one of my characters on a beach along the River Styx?

         What would be the point of that, boy? Amorella